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Some people think that government spending on the restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think that government spending on the restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. v. 2
It is argued that the government must stop the funding for a resurrection of heritage buildings in cities. However, they need to start investing in enhancing road and housing facilities. In my point of view, I would encourage to develop the society by giving proper support. Firstly, much of the concentration should be given to the damaged roads so that the number of accidents can be reduced. Though traffic rules are very strict, people try to go against it for driving in a proper road which causes accidents too. Spending money on road network will also help in decreasing traffic congestion. Also, the government need to weigh the benefits people get through the road investment and restoration of old sites. For example, it is more evident that the lack of proper facilities is what holding the developing country to move forward. On the other hand, many houses lack the basic facility like water, electricity connection, etc. Since, the budget allocation is less for housing, adding a few cost from the restoration budget will play a major role. Moreover, even now people who live in a remote area are not getting proper electricity. Focussing on betterment of people lives is important than renovation for sightseeing. For instance, poor people who have a tent homes can be given a chance for living under a proper roof. However, preserving our heritage buildings are also important but do not offer many benefits to society than development. To summarise, by giving the majority of the budget to housing and road improvement, the standard of living can be increased. Consequently, people can be connected in every nook and corner. Besides, remote villages will break the jinx and start using the modern-day facility.
It
is argued
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the funding for a resurrection of heritage buildings in cities.
However
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
investing in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and housing facilities. In my point of view, I would encourage to develop the society by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
support.

Firstly
, much of the concentration should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the number of accidents can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. Though traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strict,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to go against it for driving in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
which causes accidents too. Spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
network will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in decreasing traffic congestion.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to weigh the benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
investment and restoration of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
sites.
For example
, it is more evident that the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
facilities is what holding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
lack the basic facility like water, electricity connection, etc. Since, the budget allocation is less for housing, adding a
Possible agreement error. The noun cost seems to be countable; consider using: "few costs".
few cost
from the restoration budget will play a major role.
Moreover
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a remote area are not getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
electricity. Focussing on betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than renovation for sightseeing.
For instance
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a tent homes can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance for living under a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
roof.
However
, preserving our heritage buildings are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to society than development.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, by giving the majority of the budget to housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
improvement, the standard of living can
be increased
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be connected
in every nook and corner.
Besides
, remote villages will break the jinx and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using the modern-day facility.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government spending on the restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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