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Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view. v.3

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view. v. 3
It is very debatable issue among the masses that which types of holidays are best for school pupils. Some people give a priority to more than one short vacation and others claim that only one long vocation is necessary. However, I personally opine that short vocations have more pessimistic impacts on scholar's life. In my upcoming writing, I will delineate both aspects followed by plausible conclusion. According to people who advocate that one long vacation an adequate for learner's. They think that in this competitive world student have a lot of pressure regarding their studies. Therefore, relaxation of mind students should required long vacations. As a result, they can fresh their mind in proper, way. Apart from this, most people consider that schools should impart long holidays to pupils because of in these holidays students can do practical work regarding their study, which will be beneficial for students to obtain remarkable marks in practical work. As far as I am concerned, I believe that short vacations are more beneficial for students because if students again start studying after long time, then they can not easily concentrate on their study because it is generally observed that whenever anyone start their study after long duration he or she encounter many obstacles. Moreover, it is also noticed that when students instantly do study in school they easily get bored and want off from school. Therefore, if students get opportunity of short vacations during study time, then they relax their mind and feel fresh. To recapitulate, after analysing entire writing, I consider that short term holidays are more dominated than long vacation
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
debatable issue among the masses that which types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give a priority to more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
vocation is necessary.
However
, I
personally
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
vocations have more pessimistic impacts on scholar's life. In my upcoming writing, I will delineate both aspects followed by plausible conclusion.

According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who advocate that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
an adequate for learner's. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in this competitive world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Therefore
, relaxation of mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "require"
required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
.
As a result
, they
The word 'fresh' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can fresh
their mind in proper, way. Apart from this, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
to pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can do practical work regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, which will be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to obtain remarkable marks in practical work.

As far as I
am concerned
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
are more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
again
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
studying after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time, then they can not
easily
concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
generally
observed that whenever anyone
The pronoun 'anyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "starts", "started".
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
duration he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "encounters", "encountered".
encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles.
Moreover
, it is
also
noticed that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
instantly
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored and want off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
time, then they relax their mind and feel fresh.

To recapitulate, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
entire writing, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are more dominated than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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