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both the poor and the rich find accessibility into university difficult. do you agree or disagree? v.1

both the poor and the rich find accessibility into university difficult. v. 1
The number of educated people is increasing all over the world, but the number of universities isn't, causing a great number of people discomfort as they find it difficult to access university learning irrespective of if they are rich or poor and this essay agrees that this difficulty is causing the world a big problem. Firstly, the universities are not able to expand in terms of infrastructure and workforce, that means they cannot admit more student irrespective of their status in the society. For example, most tertiary institutions cannot build new structures, can't recruit new lecturers and can't carry out research because the equipment are either obsolete or faulty. With such issues, they cannot start new courses nor accommodate new students into existing ones. Secondly, funding is lower than usual. The government of the country has refused to fund learning at the tertiary level so they can meet up with accommodating new students. For example, the budget of the previous year had five billion for the education sector, however, only thirty percent of it was released causing a big deficit in the sector. If the total amount allocated was appropriated, tertiary institutions won't suffer. Thirdly, online learning is not encouraged. If places of higher learning encourages online learning, students can be admitted into schools, but won't be required to be taught in a classroom. Rather, they would learn using a computer from any place they find conducive. For example, there are courses being taught online in schools in the United Kingdom and United States of America. This has helped both the rich and the poor in accessing learning. In conclusion, accessing education shouldn't be confined to the four walls of a building, rather, alternatives should be provided such as online studies in order to accommodate both the rich and the poor.
The number of educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is increasing all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the number of universities isn't, causing a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
discomfort as they find it difficult to access university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
irrespective of if they are rich or poor and this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that this difficulty is causing the world a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem.

Firstly
, the universities are not able to expand in terms of infrastructure and workforce, that means they cannot admit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
irrespective of their status in the society.
For example
, most tertiary institutions cannot build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
structures, can't recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lecturers and can't carry out research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the equipment are either obsolete or faulty. With such issues, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
courses nor accommodate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into existing ones.

Secondly
, funding is lower than usual. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the country has refused to fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at the tertiary level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with accommodating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, the budget of the previous year had five billion for the education sector,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thirty percent of it
was released
causing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deficit in the sector. If the total amount allocated
was appropriated
, tertiary institutions won't suffer.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is not encouraged. If places of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be admitted
into schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
won't
be required
to
be taught
in a classroom.
Rather
, they would learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to use".
using
a computer from any place they find conducive.
For example
, there are courses
being taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
in schools in the United Kingdom and United States of America. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
both the rich and the poor in accessing learning.

In conclusion
, accessing education shouldn't
be confined
to the four walls of a building,
rather
, alternatives should
be provided
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
studies in order to accommodate both the rich and the poor.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay both the poor and the rich find accessibility into university difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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