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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening? And what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening? And what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 5
Over the years, it has been observed around the world that many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment and several reasons have been adduced to this development. Many people go back to crime after serving the punishment of the first offence because correctional measures were not integrated into the initial punishment, the offenders are not remorseful and see nothing wrong in committing further crimes. Similarly, offenders are usually not being productively engaged after undergoing necessary disciplinary measure for the crime they initially committed, this may lead to the propensity to go back to crime. Actually, an idle hand is the devil's workshop. Moreover, the society usually discriminates against this set of people even if they have turned a new leaf. The criminals feel rejected and isolated by the society and not given avenues to express themselves. This may force repentant criminals to re-embrace criminality as that is an avenue through which they can express themselves. For criminals to be prevented from going back to a life of crime, correctional measures must be part of their punishment so they can become better persons after go through the process. Also, people must not discriminate against repentant criminals in order to facilitate their full integration into a crime-free life. Job opportunities must be made available to them so they can be fully engaged and earn a living through legitimate means. This will also give them the opportunity to contribute positively to the society. In conclusion, criminality and other related vices will be greatly reduced if effective measures are put in place to prevent offenders who have been sanctioned in the past from going back to commit more crimes.
Over the years, it has
been observed
around the world that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after serving the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
and several reasons have
been adduced
to this development.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after serving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
of the
first
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
correctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
were not integrated into the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are not remorseful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in committing
further
crimes.

Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are
usually
not being
productively
engaged after undergoing necessary disciplinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
they
initially
committed, this may lead to the propensity to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Actually, an idle hand is the devil's workshop.

Moreover
, the society
usually
discriminates against this set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even if they have turned a new leaf. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
feel rejected and isolated by the society and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
avenues to express themselves. This may force repentant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to re-embrace criminality as
that is
an avenue through which they can express themselves.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, correctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can become better persons after go through the process.

Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not discriminate against repentant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in order to facilitate their full integration into a crime-free life. Job opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
available to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be
fully
engaged and earn a living through legitimate means. This will
also
give them the opportunity to contribute
positively
to the society.

In conclusion
, criminality and other related vices will be
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are put
in place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
who have
been sanctioned
in the past from going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening? And what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 5

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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