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Some people think that government should provide education for free on all levels: primary, secondary and tertiary Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their own tertiary education. Discuss both views and give your opinio v.3

Some people think that government should provide education for free on all levels: primary, secondary and tertiary Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their own tertiary education. 3
These days, education plays indispensable role in our society in order to gain successful life. It is thought by some people that the government should provide all level of education to their citizen free of cost. While others believe that individual should pay their own tuition fee. I completely agree with former thought that people should get equal opportunity to gain education. On one hand side, every one has rights to live comfortably and lavish lifestyle, but nowadays it is impossible without education. Some people argued in favour of that government should invest higher amount of money to educate the people that leads a nation to economically stronger. For instance, a country like a Japan, government took responsibility to educate their people free of cost at all level. Thus the Japan is considered a developed country due to the advance technology and educated people. Furthermore, poor people have talent but not have facilities to study, they could waste their talents, if they get chance to obtain higher education they will excel and because of this crime rate in country will reduce due to gaining employment after higher studies. Thus free education gives tremendous benefits not only to a person but also to the whole society. On the other hand, some people argued that individual should pay for their tertiary education. According to them government have other responsibilities to fulfill the citizens requirements. For instance, if they invest all funding to education, country would have poor health system and bad transport system. Besides, in order to become a developed country, higher authorities need huge amount of funding to build a military for protection from enemies, and scientists needs billion of dollars to do research to protect people from devastating diseases. In conclusion, in my opinion, if the government stopped funding the education, many student will not be able to afford tertiary education which lead to unemployment and increase crime rate. Therefore, I strongly believed that government should fund tertiary studies.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays indispensable role in our society in order to gain successful life. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide all level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to their citizen free of cost.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe that individual should pay their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tuition fee. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal opportunity to gain education.

On one hand side, every one has rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
and lavish lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays it is impossible without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest higher amount of money to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that leads a nation to
economically
stronger.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like a Japan,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
took responsibility to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
free of cost at all level.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the Japan
is considered
a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to the advance technology and educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not have facilities to study, they could waste their talents, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to obtain higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they will excel and
because of this
crime rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
due to gaining employment after higher studies.
Thus
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
gives tremendous benefits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the whole society.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that individual should pay for their tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. According to them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have other responsibilities to fulfill the citizens requirements.
For instance
, if they invest all funding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would have poor health system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
transport system.
Besides
, in order to become a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, higher authorities need huge amount of funding to build a military for protection from enemies, and scientists needs
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
of dollars to do research to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from devastating diseases.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
Possible agreement error. The noun student seems to be countable; consider using: "many students".
many student
will not be able to afford tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which lead to unemployment and increase crime rate.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should fund tertiary studies.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should provide education for free on all levels: primary, secondary and tertiary Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their own tertiary education. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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