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Some people think that government should not spend money on sports stadium and building theatres. Instead it should spend more money on education. Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that government should not spend money on sports stadium and building theatres. Instead it should spend more money on education. v. 1
A number of persons in a society believe that governmental funds should be invested in educational sector rather than be spent on building sport arenas and theatres. This essay agrees with this statement because it is important to have an educated nation and future scholars will give more benefit to the community. Firstly one of the most powerful things for a one country is to have as much as possible highly educated citizens. Throughout the history the most developed nations were the ones that produced highly intellectual community. Furthermore, the knowledge is only thing that can bring a long term future prosperity. For example the country with the highest rate of people with a university degree is the USA, and that is the country with the best living standards. On the other hand, money invested in education has the highest return rate on the market. Every penny that is invested to educate skilled workers will return to us to higher level rather than it was invested in entertainment purposes such as theatres. Also, it would be easier to transfer and improve knowledge of future generations. For instance, during the periods of a world economic crisis, the country that have the best educated bankers such as Switzerland and USA, will bounce back much quicker than the rest of the world. I strongly support an idea that the money invested in any kind of educational sector will bring many positive things for the given country. The core of the existence of any nation through the history was to have educated professionals that can govern easily. I also think that in order to have stable country in the long term we need to act now and think ahead.
A number of persons in a society believe that governmental funds should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in educational sector
rather
than
be spent
on building sport arenas and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
nation and future scholars will give more benefit to the community.

Firstly
one of the most powerful things for a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is to have as much as possible
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
citizens. Throughout the history the most developed nations were the ones that produced
highly
intellectual community.
Furthermore
, the knowledge is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that can bring a long term future prosperity.
For example
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the highest rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a university degree is the USA, and
that is
the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
country


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
the best living standards.

On the other hand
, money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in education has the highest return rate on the market. Every penny
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
to educate skilled workers will return to us to higher level
rather
than it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in entertainment purposes such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.
Also
, it would be easier to transfer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
knowledge of future generations.
For instance
, during the periods of a world economic crisis, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that have the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
bankers such as Switzerland and USA, will bounce back much quicker than the rest of the world.

I
strongly
support an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invested
in any kind of educational sector will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The core of the existence of any nation through the history was to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
professionals that can govern
easily
. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in order to have stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the long term we need to act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
ahead.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that government should not spend money on sports stadium and building theatres. Instead it should spend more money on education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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