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Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write? How does this affect them in life? What can the government do to help them? v.1

Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write? How does this affect them in life? What can the government do to help them? v. 1
It is commonly observed that in spite of having ample of educational institutions, a vast majority of young men and women are lacking education. This certainly hampers their growth as they are not eligible for the white-collar jobs. However, this problem can be solved if government can make the primary education compulsory for everyone. To begin with, education is a basic right for human beings because it helps them to achieve their dreams and aspirations by securing highly paid jobs. However, in the modern world, the majority of people living in the rural areas are unable to acquire the basic education due to the absence of schools and universities. As a result, they have to pursue labour jobs to afford the basic necessities such as food, clothing and shelter. Additionally, with the low-income jobs they will not be able to educate their children and will end up struggling below the poverty line. For instance, according to a research conducted by the University of British Columbia, 80% people living in the rural areas are illiterate and are doing construction jobs to run their family. There are a number of steps that can taken by the government to educate every citizen of a country. Firstly, government should make education compulsory for everyone, which means they have to open more schools and universities in the rural areas. By doing so, people living in rural areas will not only be able to improve their living standards, but also can teach education to their kids. Secondly, government should collaborate with a Non-Government Organisations to educate people according to their work schedule. To exemplify, UNICEF, the Non-Government Organisation has started a programme, in which they offer a night school for people working during the day. Moreover, they offer an internship programme to hire their students. To conclude, regardless of considerable access to education, people in the remote areas are still illiterate and working in low paid jobs. Thus, government actions such as opening schools in remote areas and making education compulsory for everyone can help us to make people literate.
It is
commonly
observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
having ample of educational institutions, a vast majority of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This
certainly
hampers their growth as they are not eligible for the white-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, this problem can
be solved
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
compulsory for everyone.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a basic right for human beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to achieve their dreams and aspirations by securing
highly
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, in the modern world, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are unable to acquire the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and universities.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pursue
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to afford the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as food, clothing and shelter.
Additionally
, with the low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
they will not be able to educate their children and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up struggling below the poverty line.
For instance
, according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the University of British Columbia, 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are illiterate and are doing construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to run their family.

There are a number of steps that can taken by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to educate every citizen of a country.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
compulsory for everyone, which means they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
open more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and universities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to their kids.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should collaborate with a Non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisations' is British English.
Organisations
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
according to their work schedule. To exemplify, UNICEF, the Non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, in which they offer a night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working during the day.
Moreover
, they offer an internship
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
to hire their students.

To conclude
, regardless of considerable access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
still
illiterate and working in low paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
actions such as opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
compulsory for everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
literate.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write? How does this affect them in life? What can the government do to help them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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