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New StadiumA university official announced plans to spend $2 million to build a new athletic stadium, commenting that a new stadium would help the university achieve its goal of attracting more top students. The official also said that, additionally, buil v.1

New StadiumA university official announced plans to spend $2 million to build a new athletic stadium, commenting that a new stadium would help the university achieve its goal of attracting more top students. The official also said that, additionally, buil v. 1
Getting married before entering their thirties is supported by many people and is thought to have benefits to society, as well as for the individuals themselves. I agree with this notion. This early marriage often helps newlyweds to plan for their future and can also help to reduce the impact of the monetary pressures on the government. To begin with, young couples can greatly benefit from their early marriage, as it would give them enough time to think about their plans for the future. This is because, people who get late in their marriage often face health issues which put them in an urgency to have their first born before they get too old, whereas these issues are quite rare in youngsters and they have all the time in the world to understand the need of their partners and can prepare themselves for their first child by learning the parenting techniques from their friends and family. I got married when I was 25 and I always enjoy the company of my friends and family who are always helping me with their advice to raise children in an effective manner which I gladly apply to myself. Besides this, if people start marrying at an early age, it can significantly reduce the monetary pressures on the government. Recent research suggested that 60 percent of the government’s health budget is spent on the age group of 60 and above, because their kids have just entered the labour market, and they don’t have sufficient resources to care for their parents. People who get married at an early age usually retire when their offspring are well off, and they can rely on them for their health care, without burdening their local governments. In conclusion, marrying at an early age is beneficial for the individuals as it would provide them time to plan about their family, and I believe that governments can also get relief from the health care constraints of the elderly people.
Getting married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering their thirties
is supported
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to have benefits to society,
as well
as for the individuals themselves. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
marriage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
newlyweds to plan for their future and can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the impact of the monetary pressures on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, young couples can
greatly
benefit from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
marriage, as it would give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their plans for the future. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
late in their marriage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues which put them in an urgency to have their
This word is normally spelled as one.
first born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, whereas these issues are quite rare in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
youngsters and
they have all the time in the world to understand the need of their partners and can prepare themselves for their
first
child by learning the parenting techniques from their friends and family. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married when I was 25 and I always enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of my friends and family who are always helping me with their advice to raise children
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
which I
gladly
apply to myself.

Besides
this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
marrying at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, it can
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the monetary pressures on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Recent research suggested that 60 percent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget
is spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of 60 and above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their kids have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entered the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market, and they don’t have sufficient resources to care for their parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
usually
retire when their offspring are well off, and they can rely on them for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, without burdening their local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In conclusion
, marrying at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is beneficial for the individuals as it would provide them time to plan about their family, and I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care constraints of the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay New StadiumA university official announced plans to spend $2 million to build a new athletic stadium, commenting that a new stadium would help the university achieve its goal of attracting more top students. The official also said that, additionally, buil v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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