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Some people say that government should not put money on building theatres and sport stadium. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that government should not put money on building theatres and sport stadium. They should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 1
It is often argued that governments should invest more funds for building hospitals and schools rather than spending money on creating facilities for sports and art. In my opinion, both are vital aspects of human development, and equal budget should be allocated to them. To begin with, It is irrefutable that education and medical care are first and foremost things authorities should provide to the people. In other words, health care is a basic amenity that should be provided to everyone because many people cannot afford it. Similarly, education is a must for the prosperity of a nation. Thus, by investing money on building new colleges or universities, bureaucrats can easily promote awareness and motivate the young generation towards it. On contrary, art and sports drives culture, fitness, and health of the people. Firstly, cinema enhances integrity of a nation as it brings people together. Secondly, by building new sports stadiums, government can increase interest of people in sports. A research done by the students of the University of Michigan revealed that sporting culture keeps people away from smoking and taking drugs. So people who argue that spending money on building theatres and sports stadium is a waste, are being selfish, and are ignoring pivotal aspects of its impact on social development of a country. In conclusion, government should put money on all of them, be it education, medical care, building theatres, and new sports stadiums because they all contributes in economic and social development of the nation.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest more funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
hospitals and schools
rather
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on creating facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and art. In my opinion, both are vital aspects of human development, and equal budget should
be allocated
to them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It is irrefutable that education and medical care are
first
and foremost things authorities should provide to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
, health care is a basic amenity that should
be provided
to everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford it.
Similarly
, education is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for the prosperity of a nation.
Thus
, by investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
new colleges or universities, bureaucrats can
easily
promote awareness and motivate the young generation towards it.

On contrary, art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
drives culture, fitness, and health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, cinema enhances integrity of a nation as it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
Secondly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadiums,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can increase interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. A research done by the students of the University of Michigan revealed that sporting culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from smoking and taking drugs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadium is a waste, are being selfish, and are ignoring pivotal aspects of its impact on social development of a country.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on all of them, be it education, medical care,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadiums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "contribute"
contributes
in economic and social development of the nation.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that government should not put money on building theatres and sport stadium. They should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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