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Describe a singer or a band that you listen to. Please say- What band/singer is it? - Where and when did you hear them for the first time? - Do you still like their music? v.1

Describe a singer or a band that you listen to. Please say- What band/singer is it? - Where and when did you hear them for the first time? - Do you still like their music? v. 1
Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight people causes, the health care system, some people think that the key to solving these issues is to have more sport and exercise in schools. In my opinion, I completely agree that this is the best way to tackle the issue of deteriorating public health in relation to weight. Firstly, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing the more sport and exercise in schools. This method will ensure that the next generation will be healthier and will not have such health problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does sport possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their otherwise sedentary lifestyle. However, by incorporating more sports classes into the curriculum as well as encouraging extracurricular sports activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active. Another point to consider is that having more sports lessons for children in schools will probably result in children developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer lasting effect. In other words, parents with sporty children are more likely to get involved in sport as a way of encouraging their children. By both parents and children being involved, it will ensure that children grow up to incorporate sport into their daily lives. This is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing the sport in schools is the easiest and most effective method to use.
Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
causes, the health care system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the key to solving these issues is to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and exercise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is the best way to tackle the issue of deteriorating public health in relation to weight.

Firstly
, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and exercise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This method will ensure that the
next
generation will be healthier and will not have such health problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
possibly
twice a week, which is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to counteract their
otherwise
sedentary lifestyle.
However
, by incorporating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classes into the curriculum
as well
as encouraging extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities, they will
undoubtedly
become fitter and more active.

Another point to consider is that having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
probably
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer lasting effect.
In other words
, parents with sporty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a way of encouraging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being involved
, it will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up to incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
into their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
certainly
a natural and lasting way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is the easiest and most effective method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Describe a singer or a band that you listen to. Please say- What band/singer is it? - Where and when did you hear them for the first time? - Do you still like their music? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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