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some people think that government is responsible for rise the obesity in children. while, others think it is the fault of parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people think that government is responsible for rise the obesity in children. while, others think it is the fault of parents. v. 1
In the salad days of millenniums, overweight is a serious issue in blooming buds. The society is polarised into two Graphs Equally regarding to the notion that, many masses believe that higher authorities should aware about the Children healthy lifestyle. Although, others say that it is Happen due to parents are careless. Different people have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on my both the approaches before the making final sheets. To commence with the first notion that, there are myriad things in its favour of government responsibility. First and foremost, nowadays unnecessary products are introducing marketing of goods is hygienic food for aspirants. As a result, higher authorities should be banned this fake products Company because of this food items our children Leads to many diseases. Secondly, our government can provide sports ground in every Areas of ruler sites as well as urban sites. Consequently, the children will be Increase towards sports which make them strong and fine. Shifting towards the second school of thought, there is a big duty of parents that they cannot encourage their offsprings to take the junk food in their daily intervals. Therefore, the Children mother and father work full day sometime they are tired. So, mother can not ready for cooking. Then, after they decide to go out for dinner it will provide quick service to them. Moreover, 70% of individuals are not aware about young Ones health. Hammering the last nail, I personally feel that both government and parents are responsible for physical and mental status of obesity in children.
In the salad days of millenniums, overweight is a serious issue in blooming buds. The society is
polarised
into two Graphs
Equally
regarding to
the notion that,
many
masses believe that higher authorities should aware about the
Children
healthy lifestyle.
Although
, others say that it is
Happen
due to parents are careless.
Different
people
have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on my both the approaches
before
the making final sheets.

To commence with the
first
notion that, there are myriad things in its
favour
of
government
responsibility.
First
and foremost, nowadays unnecessary products are introducing marketing of
goods
is hygienic food for aspirants.
As a result
, higher authorities should
be banned
this fake products
Company
because of this
food items our
children
Leads to
many
diseases.
Secondly
, our
government
can provide sports ground in every
Areas
of ruler sites
as well
as urban sites.
Consequently
, the
children
will be Increase towards sports which
make
them strong and fine.

Shifting towards the second school of
thought
, there is a
big
duty of parents that they cannot encourage their
offsprings
to take the junk food in their daily intervals.
Therefore
, the
Children
mother and father work full day sometime they
are tired
.
So
, mother can not ready for cooking. Then, after they decide to go out for dinner it will provide quick service to them.
Moreover
, 70% of individuals are not aware about young Ones health.

Hammering the last nail, I
personally
feel that both
government
and parents are responsible for physical and mental status of obesity in
children
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that government is responsible for rise the obesity in children. while, others think it is the fault of parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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