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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.3

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. 3
Answer Many people are of the belief that the authority is to be held accountable as regards the overweight health status of young adults, others are of the view that their parents are to blame. In my opinion, both parties should work in harmony to manage the challenge of obesity in children. Modalities should be put in place by the government to check and control the predisposing factors of weight increment in children. Hence, the school meal service team should be made to evaluate the caloric level of the meal served to children at lunch in school and also the meal should be composed of all the classes of food nutrient in their appropriate proportion. This could place a vital role in controlling the rise in obesity. Also the inclusion of aerobic activities in the school curriculum would go a long way to manage the weight increment crisis as young adults will have a chance to burn calorie stored up in their body. To exemplify, a Teacher in Nigeria, uploaded a news on her Facebook page that due to the intervention of the authorities in her country, the challenge of overweight in children has been accurately managed. On the other hand, parents should be actively involved in the life of their children. Some research in the past revealed that obesity is linked to depression. However, parent should bear the responsibility of ensuring that their young ones are psychologically healthy. They should be on the alert to identify any form of exposure to negative event that will influence their child healthy state of mind because it could result in an unhealthy lifestyle. To give an instance, a friend whom her child was regularly bullied in their neighbourhood reported that he became withdrawn and he found solace in an unhealthy eating habit that lead him to be overweight. Conclusively, the cooperation of both the government and parents in resolving the increase in overweight in young adults would yield a better result as both parties have their specific roles to play.
Answer

Many
people
are of the belief that the authority is to
be held
accountable as regards the overweight health status of
young
adults, others are of the view that their
parents
are to blame. In my opinion, both parties should work in harmony to manage the challenge of obesity in children.

Modalities should
be put
in place by the
government
to
check
and control the predisposing factors of weight increment in
children
.
Hence
, the school meal service team should
be made
to evaluate the caloric level of the meal served to
children
at lunch in school and
also
the meal should
be composed
of all the classes of food nutrient in their appropriate proportion. This could place a vital role in controlling the rise in obesity.
Also
the inclusion of aerobic activities in the school curriculum would go a long way to manage the weight increment crisis as
young
adults will have a chance to burn calorie stored up in their body. To exemplify, a Teacher in Nigeria, uploaded
a news
on her Facebook page that due to the intervention of the authorities in her country, the challenge of overweight in
children
has been
accurately
managed.

On the other hand
,
parents
should be
actively
involved in the life of their
children
.
Some
research in the past revealed that obesity
is linked
to depression.
However
,
parent
should bear the responsibility of ensuring that their
young
ones are
psychologically
healthy. They should be on the alert to identify any form of exposure to
negative
event
that will influence their child healthy state of mind
because
it could result in an unhealthy lifestyle. To give an instance, a friend whom her child was
regularly
bullied in their
neighbourhood
reported that he became
withdrawn and
he found solace in an unhealthy eating habit that lead him to be overweight.

Conclusively
, the cooperation of both the
government
and
parents
in resolving the increase in overweight in
young
adults would yield a better result as both parties have their specific roles to play.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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