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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. v. 1
In the contemporary era, obesity is increasing among children due to the regular consumption of junk food and a sedentary lifestyle. Some individuals pointed to the government for the rising obesity among teenagers, whilst others considered the parents to be faulty. In my opinion, both administration and parents are responsible because of their improper vigil on food production and eating habits of children respectively. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons to support the given viewpoints. People allegate the government for increasing obesity in children due to its laxity in regulation on food production. In other words, the over-production of fast-food eateries has been increased the food adulteration, where food is laced with harmful preservatives. Even though there are taxes on these products, their quality becomes deteriorated, which thereby impact on the health of children and make them obese. The recent article of The Guardian revealed the black truth of chips and candies making industries of Finland, where a high ratio of carbohydrates and chemicals were used to make these items as compared to their food labels. This happened due to the inappropriate checking of food chains by the food ministry. On the other hand, however, parents are accountable for the overweight of their child as they sometimes overlook the eating habits of them. Most of the parents, nowadays, are job-oriented and spending their considerable time in office, which has impacted negatively on their children. To be more specific, they could not guide their offspring properly, about unhealthy eating and its repercussions. According to the World Health Organization, the chances of obesity are more and obvious among those youngsters, who are not under the supervision of their parents, to provide proper guidance. Hence, improper parenting also triggers the chances of obesity. In conclusion, both administration and parents are equally questionable for the high rise in obesity among children. It is categorically mentioned that the ministry is not vigilant towards the poor productions of food products and the parents also not advising their wards properly about the dire consequences of fast food and its continuous consumption.
In the contemporary era, obesity is increasing among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the regular consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and a sedentary lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals pointed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for the rising obesity among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, whilst others considered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be faulty. In my opinion, both administration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their improper vigil on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production and eating habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
respectively
. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
viewpoints.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
Possible spelling mistake found.
allegate
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for increasing obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to its laxity in regulation on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production.
In other words
, the over-production of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food eateries has
been increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
adulteration, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is laced
with harmful preservatives.
Even though
there are taxes on these products, their quality becomes deteriorated, which thereby impact on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese. The recent article of The Guardian revealed the black truth of chips and candies making industries of Finland, where a high ratio of carbohydrates and chemicals were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these items as compared to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
labels. This happened due to the inappropriate checking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ministry.

On the other hand
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are accountable for the overweight of their child as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
overlook the eating habits of them. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, nowadays, are job-oriented and spending their considerable time in office, which has impacted
negatively
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To be more specific, they could not guide their offspring
properly
, about unhealthy eating and its repercussions. According to the World Health Organization, the chances of obesity are more and obvious among those youngsters, who are not under the supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, to provide proper guidance.
Hence
, improper parenting
also
triggers the chances of obesity.

In conclusion
, both administration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
equally
questionable for the high rise in obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
categorically
mentioned that the ministry is not vigilant towards the poor productions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
not advising their wards
properly
about the dire consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and its continuous consumption.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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