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Some people think that government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think that supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Government funds are contributed by the people of the country by way of taxes, contributions, donations. They have a say in whether or not such funds need to be utilized for supporting and encouraging Art and Culture. In my opinion, a portion of government funds may be utilized for cultural and art activities which I would elaborate in detail below. Some feel that the funds should not be used for Art and Culture, as they can be better utilized when there is a need or a national emergency. For example, In case of the recent Glacier burst in Uttarakhand, many villages were destroyed with colossal damages, around 100-150 people are missing. The funds could be then used for providing relief to such villages and in placing the lost people. Moreover the money can be used for developing the hampered villages. There are people who strongly feel that supporting art and culture activities would help the public in general and also benefit in keeping our culture relevant. Art and Culture contributes chunks of money into our economy. They have a huge influence on the current youth population such as fashion trends, social media influencers, marketing products, traditional artifacts. Artists promote certain products to enhance the product viability and sales. Many advertisers sponsor certain events and cultural activities to grow and market their business. Many of the regional artifacts, imitation jewelry displayed at Kala Ghoda Festival are inspired from different states and regions. This festival is usually sponsored by Radio Channels, State Tourism companies, Famous Fashion Designers, Crossword book store. To conclude, even though monetary funds should be used for national emergencies, there is a need to support art and cultural activities for the economic advantage as well. Hence, I think government funds need to be divided in a proportionate manner to benefit the people of our country in general.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
funds
are contributed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the country by way of taxes, contributions, donations. They have a say in
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
such funds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be utilized
for supporting and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
. In my opinion, a portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds may
be utilized
for cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which I would elaborate in detail below.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
feel that the funds should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
, as they can be better utilized when there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
or a national emergency.
For example
, In case of the recent Glacier burst in Uttarakhand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
villages were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
with colossal damages, around 100-150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are missing. The funds could be then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for providing relief to such villages and in placing the lost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for developing the hampered villages.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
strongly
feel that supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the public
in general
and
also
benefit in keeping our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
relevant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
contributes chunks of money into our economy. They have a huge influence on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
youth population such as fashion trends, social media influencers, marketing products, traditional artifacts. Artists promote certain products to enhance the product viability and sales.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advertisers sponsor certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to grow and market their business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the regional artifacts, imitation jewelry displayed at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kala
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghoda
Festival
are inspired
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states and regions. This festival is
usually
sponsored by Radio Channels, State Tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
Fashion Designers, Crossword book store.

To conclude
,
even though
monetary funds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for national emergencies, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the economic advantage
as well
.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be divided
Consider replacing "in a proportionate manner" with the adverb for "proportionate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proportionate manner
to benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of our country
in general
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that government funding should not be used for supporting Art and Culture while others think, supporting cultural activities may be beneficial to the population and culture. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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