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Nowadays, many people are not aware of the persons living in their neighbourhood. However, many individuals do not have relation with neighbours when compared to the persons in the past. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward some improvement to this issue. v.1

Nowadays, many people are not aware of the persons living in their neighbourhood. However, many individuals do not have relation with neighbours when compared to the persons in the past. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward some improvement to this issue. v. 1
Nowadays, many people are not aware of persons living in their neighbourhood. However, many individuals do not have a relation with neighbours when compared to the persons in the past. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward some improvement to this issue. To begin with, one of the main reasons why many individuals are not able to be in contact with people who live in the same apartment is that, people have become more workaholic than in the past. Most of the time they spend at the workplace to move forward in their careers. For example, I work in an information technology company where I spend at least 10 hours a day before coming to the home. As a result, I barely spend time with my neighbours. Therefore, this is one of the reasons why individuals not able to maintain healthy relationships with their neighbours. What can be done to improve this issue is that, to organise cultural and traditional events that brings people together in one place. This can improve relationships with one's neighbour where they can meet and get to know everybody. For example, every year there is a cultural event in my apartment hosted by one ethnicity to spread knowledge where they have come from. These events make them interact with neighbours in order to maintain healthy relationships. To conclude, many individuals do not have a close relationship with persons living in the same place because of work ethic. However, this can be improved by conducting cultural and traditional events that brings all together at one place. By following this way, we can improve relationships with others living in the same community.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of persons living in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not have a relation with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
when compared to the persons in the past. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvement to this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the main reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are not able to be in contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same apartment is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more workaholic than in the past. Most of the time they spend at the workplace to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward in their careers.
For example
, I work in an information technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where I spend at least 10 hours a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to the home.
As a result
, I
barely
spend time with my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Therefore
, this is one of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
not able to maintain healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

What can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this issue is that, to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
cultural and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together in one place. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with one's
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know everybody.
For example
, every year there is a cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in my apartment hosted by one ethnicity to spread knowledge where they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them interact with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
in order to maintain healthy relationships.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not have a close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with persons living in the same place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work ethic.
However
, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by conducting cultural and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that brings all together at one place. By following this way, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with others living in the same community.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people are not aware of the persons living in their neighbourhood. However, many individuals do not have relation with neighbours when compared to the persons in the past. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward some improvement to this issue. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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