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Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch as it helps in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch as it helps in their future. v. 1
The advent of modern technology such as television and other audio-visual inventions has come to the forefront of public awareness in previous years. A certain group of people is of the notion that exposing children to different types of TV shows has an overwhelmingly negative impact on these ages. However, I vehemently believe that indulging youngsters with these activities would be extremely beneficial in their future. In the succeeding paragraphs, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs as well as proffer justification for my viewpoint. Regarding those who hold that allowing toddlers to watch TV programs might be detrimental, there is a slew of obvious reasons. One supportive claim is that radiation produced by this appliance may lead to a gradual deterioration of their visual senses. More specifically, it contributes vastly to having blurred vision and it also suppresses the immune system by lowering hemoglobin count which is a primary component of the blood that helps oxygen to smoothly circulate inside the body. For instance, in Cambodia, the number of children who were exposed early on television, suffer from visual disturbance at the age of 4 compare to those who were situated in the countryside with no TV sets on their domicile. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that this opinion is ludicrous. The most overpowering reason stems from the fact that viewing a myriad number of television programs present a vast array of benefits. If a child is permitted to see educational TV shows such as “Wonders of Math” and “Science Fictions “before embarking primary school, then they would have a plethora of ideas about numbers, different simple laboratory experiments, and even English language. My niece Margarethe is a shining illustration of this. At age of five, not only she can speak English with British accent through the aid of language shows aired on the TV, but she also knows how to perform multiplication which is a bit advanced for her age. To sum up, I maintained that allowing offsprings to watch educational television programs is necessary to embolden their knowledge. Further down the line, I fervently wish that more parents will support this activity responsibly.
The advent of modern technology such as
television
and other audio-visual inventions has
come
to the forefront of public awareness in previous years. A certain group of
people
is of the notion that exposing children to
different
types of TV
shows
has an
overwhelmingly
negative
impact on these ages.
However
, I
vehemently
believe that indulging youngsters with these activities would be
extremely
beneficial in their future. In the succeeding paragraphs, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
proffer justification for my viewpoint.

Regarding those who hold that allowing toddlers to
watch
TV programs might be detrimental, there is a slew of obvious reasons. One supportive claim is that radiation produced by this appliance may lead to a gradual deterioration of their visual senses. More
specifically
, it contributes
vastly
to having blurred vision and it
also
suppresses the immune system by lowering hemoglobin count which is a primary component of the blood that
helps
oxygen to
smoothly
circulate inside the body.
For instance
, in Cambodia, the number of children who
were exposed
early on
television
, suffer from visual disturbance at the age of 4
compare
to those who
were situated
in the countryside with no TV sets on their domicile.

Nevertheless
, I
firmly
believe that this opinion is ludicrous. The most overpowering reason stems from the fact that viewing a myriad number of
television
programs present a vast array of benefits. If a child
is permitted
to
see
educational TV
shows
such as “Wonders of Math” and “Science Fictions “
before
embarking primary school, then they would have a plethora of
ideas
about numbers,
different
simple laboratory experiments, and even English language. My niece
Margarethe
is a shining illustration of this. At age of five, not
only
she can speak English with British accent through the aid of language
shows
aired on the TV,
but
she
also
knows how to perform multiplication which is a bit advanced for her age.

To sum up, I maintained that allowing
offsprings
to
watch
educational
television
programs is necessary to embolden their knowledge.
Further
down the line, I
fervently
wish that more parents will support this activity
responsibly
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch as it helps in their future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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