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Some people think that good health is very important to every person so medical service should not be ran by profit making companies Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Some people think that good health is very important to every person so medical service should not be ran by profit making companies Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
In the contemporary world, opinions are divided whether health care should be or should not be managed and controlled by money makers. Though there are some drawbacks when profit-making corporations run the health systems, it is not to say that this phenomenon has no redeeming features. On the one hand, several disadvantages when a hospital is controlled by private owners can be seen. Because all men are created equal, healthcare should not be accessible to only the rich. For instance, it is said that when the impoverished are not able to access the high-quality health services, the death rate of the nation is increased and the pandemics are more severe and contagious. Moreover, the gap between the rich and the poor will not be addressed fully if the indigent people cannot pay for the fees. To be more specific, if all citizens in a country are subsidized part of the fees when consulting the doctors by government’s health insurances, the national authority not only mitigates the obstacles of people from disadvantaged backgrounds but also improves their life quality. On the other hand, the benefits when the owners of the health services are profit-making companies are more significant. First of all, the more profit the private health systems make the more money they have to reinvest for buying up-to-date and advanced machines and tools, which augments the success rate of the operations. There is ample evidence from many private eye hospitals suggesting that the morbidity of the patients after the surgery has been reduced dramatically since they enforce the five-year program in altering the surgical instruments. Second of all, when paying more health care fees, the patients are given better health care. For example, in some developed countries such as America and Canada, when coming to the private clinics, the patients are provided with scrupulous examinations and consultancy from the doctors, which enables the general practitioners to diagnose precisely. In conclusion, the advantages of hospitals managed and ran by profit-making companies outweigh the disadvantages.
In the contemporary world, opinions
are divided
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care should be or should not
be managed
and controlled by money makers. Though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks when profit-making corporations run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
systems, it is not to say that this phenomenon has no redeeming features.

On the one hand, several disadvantages when a hospital
is controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
owners can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are created
equal, healthcare should not be accessible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the rich.
For instance
, it
is said
that when the impoverished are not able to access the high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services, the death rate of the nation
is increased
and the pandemics are more severe and contagious.
Moreover
, the gap between the rich and the poor will not
be addressed
fully
if the indigent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot pay for the fees. To be more specific, if all citizens in a country
are subsidized
part of the fees when consulting the doctors by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurances, the national authority not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mitigates the obstacles of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from disadvantaged backgrounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their life quality.

On the other hand
, the benefits when the owners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services are profit-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are more significant.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the more profit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
systems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the more money they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reinvest for buying up-to-date and advanced machines and tools, which augments the success rate of the operations. There is ample evidence from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
eye hospitals suggesting that the morbidity of the patients after the surgery has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
dramatically
since they enforce the five-year program in altering the surgical instruments. Second of all, when paying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care fees, the patients are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as America and Canada, when coming to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
clinics, the patients
are provided
with scrupulous examinations and consultancy from the doctors, which enables the general practitioners to diagnose
precisely
.

In conclusion
, the advantages of hospitals managed and ran by profit-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
outweigh the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that good health is very important to every person so medical service should not be ran by profit making companies Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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