Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of the private health care outweigh the advantages? v.3

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of the private health care outweigh the advantages? v. 3
Good healthcare service is a fundamental need for every citizen in a country and when this sector is run by money making private organisations, it is clear that the government provided health care service is not up to mark and need improvements. I believe that when the healthcare service is owned and run by some bunch of money-makers, mass people would suffer to a great extent and this policy has far more demerits than few advantages it offers. First, when government incapable of providing sufficient treatment and hospital facilities, the healthcare sector is then turning into a profitable business sector for many private organisations. Those private organisations’ main objective is to make money and thus only rich citizens can accommodate their treatment. Since the government does not have any control over the treatment facilities of these hospitals and healthcare centres, they charge people as much as they like. Thus they make the overall health care system expensive in a country. Second, the private healthcare centres are often accused of overcharging and wrong treatment and yet they are not punished for the misdeed they conduct. Many people opine that private healthcare centres and hospitals are far neater and clean and have more qualified doctors. However, should not those doctors be treating in public hospitals instead of making money? Thus the professional ethics of doctors are ruined by their practice in private hospitals. Furthermore, the government collects a huge amount of tax from its citizens and should be obliged to provide health care services to people for free rather than letting private hospitals loot people. In conclusion, a better environment and more doctors and nurses in private hospitals are often considered as the great advantages for the patients.   However, the amount they charge for treatment is outrageous and mass people cannot afford that. The government should ensure proper healthcare facilities for all of its citizens and quality public health care service is a better solution than allowing private companies control this important sector whose sole objective is to make profits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is a fundamental need for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
in a country and when this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is run
by money making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is not up to mark and need improvements. I believe that when the healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
and run by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bunch of money-makers, mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would suffer to a great extent and this policy has far more demerits than few advantages it offers.

First
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
incapable of providing sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
facilities, the healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is then turning into a profitable business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
’ main objective is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
can accommodate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not have any control over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
facilities of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
and healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as much as they like.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system expensive in a country.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accused of overcharging and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
treatment and
yet
they are not punished for the misdeed they conduct.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
are far neater and clean and have more qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
.
However
, should not those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
be treating in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
instead
of making money?
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the professional ethics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are ruined
by their practice in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
collects a huge amount of tax from its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and should
be obliged
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free
rather
than letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
loot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, a better environment and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and nurses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as the great advantages for the patients.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
, the amount they charge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
is outrageous and mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford that. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ensure proper healthcare facilities for all of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and quality public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is a better solution than allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
control this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
whose sole objective is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of the private health care outweigh the advantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts