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Some people think that good health is important to everyone, so medical services should not be run by profitmakingcompanies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some people think that good health is important to everyone, so medical services should not be run by profitmakingcompanies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Many people believe that private companies should not be allowed to provide medical services because of their focus on profit maximisation while care should be the ultimate goal of any health provider. This essay argues that the pros of private healthcare outweigh its cons. The disadvantages of private healthcare are hard to ignore. Firstly, when the service is provided for a profit, private healthcare packages may include hidden charges for unnecessary items. Secondly, operating as a business, a private practice is often located in populous urban areas other than isolated districts where access to health services is limited in most cases. In this regard, the private sector does little to improve the well-being of people in need. However, the above-mentioned drawbacks are dwarfed by benefits of private healthcare. Non-public players broaden choices and increase competition. As a result, prices tend to go down and quality is likely to go up; in the end, it is the people that enjoy the windfall. Moreover, the participation of private providers helps release pressure on the public healthcare system when they join the government in building health infrastructure. As an immediate effect, taxpayers’ money is saved for other causes that boost the economy, benefitting all. In conclusion, although there exists some opposition to private health services, I believe they bring far more benefits than drawbacks. The pulic sector cannot be a lone player in healthcare provision because the population is growing relentlessly and everybody needs healthcare. The important word to note here is ‘EVERYBODY. ’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to provide medical services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their focus

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximisation' is British English.
maximisation
while care should be the ultimate goal of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
provider. This essay argues that the pros
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
private
healthcare outweigh its cons.

The disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
Firstly
, when the service
is provided
for a profit, private

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
healthcare
packages may include hidden charges for unnecessary items.
Secondly
, operating as a business, a

private practice is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
located in populous urban areas other than isolated districts where access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
limited
in most cases
. In this regard, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the well-being of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in need.

However
, the above-mentioned drawbacks
are dwarfed
by benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare. Non-public players
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
broaden


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
choices
and increase competition.
As a result
, prices tend to go down and quality is likely to go up; in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
that enjoy the windfall.
Moreover
, the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
providers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
release pressure on the public

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
healthcare
system when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
infrastructure. As an immediate effect, taxpayers
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
’


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
money
is saved
for other causes that boost the economy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
all.

In conclusion
, although there exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opposition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services, I believe they bring far more

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
benefits
than drawbacks. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
pulic
sector cannot be a lone player in healthcare provision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the population
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
growing
relentlessly
and everybody needs healthcare. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
word to note here is ‘EVERYBODY. ’
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that good health is important to everyone, so medical services should not be run by profitmakingcompanies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
15 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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