Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries the proportion of old people is steadily increasing. Some think this good, while other believe this a problem for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

In many countries the proportion of old people is steadily increasing. Some think this good, while other believe this a problem for a country. v. 4
Its true that in many countries proportion of people is increasing. Firstly we will see that why this number is going up and furthermore we can discuss about what are its effects. 50 % of this situation have boons and 50 % curse. Before few decades mortality rate of infants was high and after development in medical science reduction of mortality observed. Up to that point mentality of people was what if my child did not survive who will take care of family so more births were given. This caused sudden increase in population curve. India is example of this situation. Now days this country is called as nation of youngsters. To avoid high population government brought rule of " Two child only" . Since then birthrate seems to be reduced. This change is good because reduction in population is necessary to live sufficiently and satisfactorily. Less the population we can utilize more natural sources per person. The country of old people means the most experienced country. The country will be wiser than other country and can take its decisions with calm mind. Situation of wars can be avoided by using wise minds. The bad effect we can see is after 20 years the number old people will be more than number of youngsters. Some economist stated that We will not find any workers in future because there will be less people to replace existing business. This change is very slow and will not be constant. It will hamper growth rate of country for very short time and then growth can be resumed. If we consider the example of china, called as country of old people. Their government has rule of one family one kid. But the economy of China is as strong as any other country. By considering both views I think proportion of old people increasing will not have major drawbacks and if we think on large scale in future this will reduce load of humans on earth.
Its true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing.
Firstly
we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that why this number is going up and
furthermore
we can
Did you mean simply "discuss what"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about what
are its effects. 50 % of this situation have boons and 50 % curse.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
few
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "decades'" or "decade's"?
decades
mortality rate of infants was high and after development in medical science reduction of mortality observed. Up to that point mentality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was what if my child did not survive who will take care of family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more births were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. This caused sudden increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
curve. India is example of this situation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is called
as nation of youngsters. To avoid high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
brought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; Two child
Possible spelling mistake found.
only&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
then birthrate seems to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
sufficiently
and
satisfactorily
. Less the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
we can utilize more natural sources per person. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
means the most experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be wiser than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and can take its decisions with calm mind. Situation of wars can
be avoided
by using wise minds.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is after 20 years the number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more than number of youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
economist stated that We will not find any workers in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to replace existing business. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slow and will not be constant. It will hamper growth rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short time and then growth can
be resumed
. If we consider the example of china, called as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of one family one kid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the economy of China is as strong as any other country.

By considering both views I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increasing will not have major drawbacks and if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
on large scale in future this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
load of humans on earth.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries the proportion of old people is steadily increasing. Some think this good, while other believe this a problem for a country. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts