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The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better to have a comprehensive health care system which provides free health services for all? Discuss. v.4

The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better to have a comprehensive health care system which provides free health services for all? Discuss. v. 4
These days, nothing has been so much debated as the government's role in supporting health care. There are some nations that offer a free medical assistance, whereas others countries think that it is as individual's responsibility. This essay will discuss both the sides of this argument before coming to a reasoned conclusion. Primarily, It is obviously true that countries cannot afford certain expenses, as the governments have even other responsibilities such as national security as well as provide education. Hence, Individuals who can afford a private medical service, should at their own expenses as they have to protect themselves from unforeseen circumstances such as illnesses or accidents. There are a huge variety of benefits to own a private health care insurance that could be helpful in extreme conditions. To illustrate, a person generally has to wait for a treatment, while insured people can easily get a prompt access to a surgery operation. Therefore, under this perspective, having an insurance has a positive impact on the mankind. On the other hand, free medical facilities must be provided to human beings who suffer from financial issues. Although we are living in a modern era, there are still many families who cannot arrange for such operations and drugs due to a minor income. Thus, it is up to the authorities to help and support financially these folks so that such humans will be able to sustain the cures too. For instance, a lung cancer operation needs so much money, yet if supported economically, the majority of people who earn lesser, could manage it in an easy way. Moreover, making the medical aid free for the needy persons will also improve the reputation of the country itself. To conclude, as an overall judgement, those who can pay for a health insurance, should take the responsibility to insure their own lives. However, the country's leaders all over the world must keep supporting the poorer citizens, so that they can have equal quality of treatments regarding the well-beings.
These days, nothing has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much debated as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's role in supporting health care. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations that offer a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
assistance, whereas others countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is as individual's responsibility. This essay will discuss both the sides of this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Primarily
, It is
obviously
true that countries cannot afford certain expenses, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have even other responsibilities such as national security
as well
as provide education.
Hence
, Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can afford a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
service, should at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
protect themselves from unforeseen circumstances such as illnesses or accidents. There are a huge variety of benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a private health care insurance that could be helpful in extreme conditions. To illustrate, a person
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
wait for a treatment, while insured
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "prompt access".
a prompt access
to a surgery operation.
Therefore
, under this perspective, having an insurance has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the mankind.

On the other hand
, free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
to human beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from financial issues. Although we are living in a modern era, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot arrange for such operations and drugs due to a minor income.
Thus
, it is up to the authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support
financially
these folks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that such humans will be able to sustain the cures too.
For instance
, a lung cancer operation needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money,
yet
if supported
economically
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
earn lesser, could manage it
Consider replacing "in an easy way" with the adverb for "easy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an easy way
.
Moreover
, making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
aid free for the needy persons will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the reputation of the country itself.

To conclude
, as an
overall
judgement, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can pay for a health insurance, should take the responsibility to insure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, the country's leaders all over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
supporting the poorer citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have equal quality of treatments regarding the well-beings.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better to have a comprehensive health care system which provides free health services for all? Discuss. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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