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Some universities require students to take classes in many objects. Other universities require students to specialize in one object. Which is better v.2

Some universities require students to take classes in many objects. Other universities require students to specialize in one object. Which is better v. 2
Annually, many students are graduating with different knowledge about their majors from universities throughout the world. The policies of universities forced students to do an exact program adopted by the educational committee of universities. No one can deny that programs are adjusted without any modification. Nowadays, universities usually adopted two methods for students to take classes first: taking various objects second: focusing on one object. There is a controversial question raises that about which of programs is better? In my opinion, I subscribe the first notion and will explain my reasons hereunder. First and foremost, with the progressing technology, people need more information about life, also they should know the wide range of knowledge about their career to figure out their difficulties whether they confront with little familiar problems. With this policy, students can learn various objects and be informed about all matter about their major. On the other hand, the second policy says that students have to learn certain material, thus they are sophisticated in the specific branch of science but in another related area they have insufficient knowledge. Presumably, they will cope with some issues in their career, because comprehensive information about a profession is very practical for everyone. Secondly, everyone has a special talent and interest flourishes in the suitable context. When compelling that students are educated in the wide range objects, universities provide the best contexts to allow that students recognize their orientation. Additionally, this approach helps that students would continue their major in high-level academic, such as master or doctorate degree with high efficiency. On the contrary, another viewpoint can lead to their talents not detected with any program, and even their interests are suppressed because they have not any opportunities. As the standpoint of statistic about Asian universities shows that students graduating with the first educational program are very satisfactory in their career because they work in the interesting context without any mandatory act. In summary, universities strive to adopt the best education programs for their students; however, I think that first policy is better because not only students have wide range information about their major, but also they have a lot of chances for finding their interest for paving the way for flourishing.
Annually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are graduating with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
throughout the world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do an exact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
adopted by the educational committee of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. No one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are adjusted
without any modification. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
usually
adopted two methods for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take classes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
: taking various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
second: focusing on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
. There is a controversial question raises that about which of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is better? In my opinion, I subscribe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
notion and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons hereunder.

First
and foremost, with the progressing technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need more information about life,
also
they should know the wide range of knowledge about their career to figure out their difficulties whether they confront with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
familiar problems. With this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and
be informed
about all matter about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
On the other hand
, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn certain material,
thus
they
are sophisticated
in the specific branch of science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in another related area they have insufficient knowledge. Presumably, they will cope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues in their career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
comprehensive information about a profession is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
practical for everyone.

Secondly
, everyone has a special talent and interest flourishes in the suitable context. When compelling that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are educated
in the wide range
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
provide the best contexts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
recognize their orientation.
Additionally
, this approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in high-level academic, such as master or doctorate degree with high efficiency.
On the contrary
, another viewpoint can lead to their talents not detected with any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, and even their interests
are suppressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not any opportunities. As the standpoint of statistic about Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduating with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
satisfactory in their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work in the interesting context without any mandatory act.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
strive to adopt the best education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have wide range information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chances for finding their interest for paving the way for flourishing.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities require students to take classes in many objects. Other universities require students to specialize in one object. Which is better v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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