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Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit making companies. Do you think the disadvantage of private health care outweigh the advantages. v.2

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit making companies. Do you think the disadvantage of private health care outweigh the advantages. v. 2
Although, it is thought by a bound individual's health service shouldn't be controlled by privately operated medical companies and, I would argue that there came more advantages for people utilize private strength services and thus will lead to a logical conclusion. On the one hand, there are myriad of reasons which will further explain this argument, but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that the state hospitals are often large and difficult to run. Therefore, multifarious civilians go to private fitness centres, because that there have shorter waiting lists for operations and appointments. This can be proved by an example, several private energy institutions build mountainous areas which provide a good opportunity for patients to have improved well-being care, especially those for the minority group. In addition, another pivotal aspect of this argument is that private strength community provides to patients have their own room and also more comfortable facilities. Needless to say, all these merits stand in good stead. However, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of this trend, but one of the most alarming ones is that the costs that humans spend for those kinds of services are extremely expensive rather than the norm. For instance, the state hospitals, the prescription charges are over, period, because they prefer using the costly modern technology and equipment. Lastly, in some cases, because the treatment decisions mainly depend on profit, quality of care might suffer. Hence, it is apparent why many against this trend. In the nutshell, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits to use private healthcare services, because is is provide better facilities are instrumental. Nevertheless, its potential drawbacks should not be overlooked either.
Although, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a bound individual's health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
shouldn't
be controlled
by
privately
operated medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and, I would argue that there came more advantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
strength
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, there are myriad of reasons which will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most preponderant one stems from the fact that the state hospitals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
large and difficult to run.
Therefore
, multifarious civilians go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that there have shorter waiting lists for operations and appointments. This can
be proved
by an example, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
energy institutions build mountainous areas which provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for patients to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
well-being care,
especially
those for the minority group.
In addition
, another pivotal aspect of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
strength community provides to patients have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
room and
also
more comfortable facilities. Needless to say, all these merits stand in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls that negate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
and which can
certainly
overwhelm the potential influence of this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of the most alarming ones is that the costs that humans spend for those kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are
extremely
expensive
rather
than the norm.
For instance
, the state hospitals, the prescription charges are over, period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer using the costly modern technology and equipment.
Lastly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the treatment decisions
mainly
depend on profit, quality of care might suffer.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
against this trend.

In the nutshell, according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
better facilities are instrumental.
Nevertheless
, its potential drawbacks should not
be overlooked
either.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit making companies. Do you think the disadvantage of private health care outweigh the advantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
9.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit making companies. Do you think the disadvantage of private health care outweigh the advantages. v.2