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The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. v. 5
Some people believe that parents should be made to undertake the parenting courses in order to guarantee that their children develop well. Personally, I disagree with this notion and will outline the reasons below. On the other hand, parenting courses could equip parents with the necessary skills and information to help them deal with bring up their children. For instance, many first time parents can be overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for their newborn infants. Without proper instruction, they do not know how to handle and care for their child most effectively. Parenting course could help the parents overcome these common problems. Similarly, many parents have a great deal of trouble with dealing with troublesome teenagers who are misbehaving while going through adolescence. Parenting courses could also help parents to better understand and deal with these issues. However, while parenting course could provide a lot of good skills and information to parents many people would argue that parenting is an innate skill that every mother and father can naturally access that skill once they have a child. For example, many mothers instinctively know how to hold and care for their child as soon as it is born. In additionally, Many parents have their own ideas about what is good parenting involves due to their own upbringing, and cultural influences. Lastly majority of people would consider it ridiculous that people should be free to make their own decisions. In conclusion, Although parenting course provides some beneficial outcomes for both parents and children. I believe that it should be up to parents, whether or not they wish to participate in such courses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be made
to undertake the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in order to guarantee that their children develop well.
Personally
, I disagree with this notion and will outline the reasons below.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and information to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them deal with bring up their children.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
first
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
be overwhelmed
by the responsibility of caring for their newborn infants. Without proper instruction, they do not know how to handle and care for their child most
effectively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
overcome these common problems.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a great deal of trouble with dealing with troublesome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are misbehaving while going through adolescence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to better understand and deal with these issues.

However
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
could provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is an innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that every mother and father can
naturally
access that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
once they have a child.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers instinctively know how to hold and care for their child as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it
is born
. In
additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
involves due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
upbringing, and cultural influences.
Lastly
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would consider it ridiculous that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial outcomes for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children. I believe that it should be up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they wish to participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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