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Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.4

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. v. 4
Since the inception of globalisation era, tourism industry has been proliferation world widely. Many individuals argue that international visitors must pay extra money as compare to homeland citizen while visiting attrective spots in the country. However, I completely disagree with this argument. Moreover, this essay will elaborate how this practice can hamper the various sectors of the domestic economy in subsequent paragraphs. Excessive money collections from outsider visitors can put a various negative effects on local establishments. Firstly, it will reduce the number of visitors for the particular destination. As a result, total amount generation will also reduce. Furthermore this trend can also divert incomers to other cheap destinations of the world. Secondly, owing to low numbers, other businesses who are associated with tourism can also face a reduction in their turnover. For instance, hotel industry and local markets near to sightseer attractions may find difficult to sustain when volume of visitors will reduce. Additional monetary charges will also affect the image of the nation as well as local of the local community. Once the outsiders will build their negative perception toward particular community or place, thenthen it became very difficult to change that even in a long period of time. For example, less number of people from the rest of the world visit India as compare to Dubai and South Africa just because of price discrimination while visiting the unique locations such as The Taj Mahal. Apart from this, price differentiation for any sight entry is a social and unethical activity, because any unique place cannot be treated as an asset of fewer people only. Just like Mount Everest is not a self constructed wonder of any single human being or community. To conclude, although one country can enjoy a limited financial freedom by charging high ticket from international tourists, still if we deeply analyse this process for the long run then it is clear that total revenue and popularity can be reduced irrespective of the importance of any reputed place.
Since the inception of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
era, tourism industry has been proliferation world
widely
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals argue that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay extra money as compare to homeland citizen while visiting
Possible spelling mistake found.
attrective
spots in the country.
However
, I completely disagree with this argument.
Moreover
, this essay will elaborate how this practice can hamper the various sectors of the domestic economy in subsequent paragraphs.

Excessive money collections from outsider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can put a various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
establishments.
Firstly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for the particular destination.
As a result
, total amount generation will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
this trend can
also
divert incomers to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
destinations of the world.
Secondly
, owing to low numbers, other businesses who
are associated
with tourism can
also
face a reduction in their turnover.
For instance
, hotel industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets near to sightseer attractions may find difficult to sustain when volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

Additional monetary charges will
also
affect the image of the nation
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community. Once the outsiders will build their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
perception toward particular community or place,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thenthen
it became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that even in a long period of time.
For example
, less number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the rest of the world visit India as compare to Dubai and South Africa
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of price discrimination while visiting the unique locations such as The Taj Mahal. Apart from this, price differentiation for any sight entry is a social and unethical activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any unique place cannot
be treated
as an asset of fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like Mount Everest is not a self constructed wonder of any single human being or community.

To conclude
, although one country can enjoy
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "limited financial freedom".
a limited financial freedom
by charging high ticket from international tourists,
still
if we
deeply
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this process for the long run then it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that total revenue and popularity can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
irrespective of the importance of any reputed place.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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