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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.4

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 4
Currently, all around the world, people are increasingly suffering from obesity. There are several reasons for this problem, and various actions could be taken by various organizations to tackle this problem. This essay is going to talk about the reasons and prevention measures below. There are two main factors that have led to rise overweight. One of the major causes is that technology development and busy pace world, which means there are lots of products has been developed to access all the services easily, especially, robots which male every human to be very lazy. Moreover, lack of exercise, In other word because of the busy schedule, no one prefers to do workout also, instead of home food they prefer the fast foods in their daily life. For example, the recent newspaper article mentioned that "overweight is the main caused for several diseases, particularly heart attack". There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. All the government and private authorities should make awareness regarding this threat, which might slightly make changes in public attitudes. In addition, politics implement subjects about the importance of fitness, as well as establish the fitness clubs in all the regions and encourage everyone to adopt their selves with compulsory exercise. To illustrate, create advertisements by ministry of health about dangers of eating junk foods and lack of exercises also the essential of keeping our self-fit should be shown on television and the internet. Additionally, enforce taxes on fast foods and other products. In conclusion, despite some obvious reasons, various measures can be taken to tackle the problem of rising weight and decreasing fitness. However, if every single person personally realised about this case only we will overcome it. Therefore, people around the world should follow up all the measures to keep themselves healthy.
Currently
, all around the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
increasingly
suffering from obesity. There are several reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, and various actions could
be taken
by various organizations to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. This essay is going to talk about the reasons and prevention measures below.

There are two main factors that have led to rise overweight. One of the major causes is that technology development and busy pace world, which means there are lots of products has
been developed
to access all the services
easily
,
especially
, robots which male every human to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lazy.
Moreover
, lack of exercise, In other word
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy schedule, no one prefers to do workout
also
,
instead
of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they prefer the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in their daily life.
For example
, the recent newspaper article mentioned that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
overweight is the main caused for several diseases,
particularly
heart attack
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

There are several actions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could take to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above. All the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness regarding this threat, which might
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in public attitudes.
In addition
, politics implement subjects about the importance of fitness,
as well
as establish the fitness clubs in all the regions and encourage everyone to adopt their selves with compulsory exercise. To illustrate, create advertisements by ministry of health about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and lack of exercises
also
the essential of keeping our self-fit should
be shown
on television and the internet.
Additionally
, enforce taxes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and other products.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious reasons, various measures can
be taken
to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of rising weight and decreasing fitness.
However
, if every single person
personally
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
about this case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we will overcome it.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world should follow up all the measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves healthy.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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