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Having more international sports events may promote world peace. It`s agree or disagree question. v.1

Having more international sports events may promote world peace. It`s agree or disagree question. v. 1
In the twenty first century the world has become a "global village" where distance has become a mere word and people have come very close to each other. In the view of this situation, world peace has become of utmost importance. There are several measures which can be taken to enhance the level of peace in the world one of them is organising the international sports events. I feel, these sports events can play important role in enhancing the world peace. Sports events involve the games which are being played all over the world and thus each and every country takes part in such kind of events. For example, the Olympics are being organised from the 18th century and almost all the counties of the world take part in these games. The Olympic is organised after every four years and thus counties prepare for this event very rigorously. Since this event is followed by many countries in the world and therefore, enhance the cross culture enjoyment. People of different countries travel to the country where the event is being held and thus, experience the hospitality and the culture of that region. This encourages people to stay connected with each other and hence they learn how to stay in harmony. Moreover, people in such type of events, sports persons also come in contact with each other which helps them in exchanging their expertise with each other. However, these events sometimes lead to unexpected results. Sometimes the sports competitions become very competitive and countrymen become very serious about the game and thus warlike situation arises. India-Pakistan cricket matches are always considered a very important event and people all over the earth wait to see who is the winner of the match. Civilian people of both the countries take the affair so seriously that they even break the televisions if their team get defeated in the competition. These kind of consequences are not in favour of world peace. Looking at both the scenarios, one can definitely say that the sports events aid in enhancing earth peace. More of such kind of events should be organised all over the world in order to enhance the sportsman spirit and thus the harmony.
In the twenty
first
century the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
global village
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
where distance has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a mere word and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to each other. In the view of this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
of utmost importance. There are several measures which can
be taken
to enhance the level of peace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
one of them is
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I feel, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.

Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
involve the games which are
being played
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
For example
, the Olympics are being
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
from the 18th century and almost all the counties of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these games. The Olympic is
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
after every four years and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
counties prepare for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rigorously
. Since this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is followed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
therefore
, enhance the cross culture enjoyment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is
being held
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
, experience the hospitality and the culture of that region. This encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay connected with each other and
hence
they learn how to stay in harmony.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
persons
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in contact with each other which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in exchanging their expertise with each other.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to unexpected results.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive and countrymen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious about the game and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
warlike situation arises. India-Pakistan cricket matches are always considered a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the earth wait to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
who is the winner of the match. Civilian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
take the affair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
seriously
that they even break the televisions if their team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
defeated in the competition.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of consequences are not in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.

Looking at both the scenarios, one can definitely say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
aid in enhancing earth peace. More of such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in order to enhance the sportsman spirit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
the harmony.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Having more international sports events may promote world peace. It`s agree or disagree question. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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