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Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while some think it is best to deal with them nationally Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while some think it is best to deal with them nationally 1
A section of people holds up a notion that environment related issues should be tackled internationally whilst opponents thinks, it is the responsibility of local community or government and will be handled on the national level. In my opinion, it should be supervised on a global scale because only developed countries can help in an effective way with latest techniques and can provide smooth and natural atmosphere all over the world. Firstly, To clarify the former view, atmosphere related problems such as global warming, ozone layer depletion etc. Should be tackled on international levels because only developed countries could support underdeveloped or developing countries in a superior way with their latest researches and inventions, which is impossible to do with domestic techniques. Moreover, financially strong countries can provide funds to deal with such disasters and maintain stability in the lives of poor nation's people. On the other hand, If people will face difficulties by themselves, which they create by their own with misuse of resources or excessive use of means which damage or harms the environment. Eventually, In such manner they learn to use recyclable resources and avoid harmful to make eco -friendly atmosphere. In my perspective, We should shake hands individually with national government first to contribute their efforts to make a community or nation a better place to live in and then give hands internationally to handle serious environmental issues, in which first of all, people learn how to preserve natural resources than how to cope with other countries to take support to conserve naturalist. To recapitulate it all, I think, it is a matter to contribute individually to make the earth a paradise free from all environmental dangers, then discuss and try to tackle it on the national scale and at last only major hazards should be explained globally to grant aid from them.
A section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
holds up a notion that environment related issues should
be tackled
internationally
whilst opponents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
, it is the responsibility of local community or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and will
be handled
on the national level. In my opinion, it should
be supervised
on a global scale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
techniques and can provide smooth and natural atmosphere all over the world.

Firstly
, To clarify the former view, atmosphere related problems such as global warming, ozone layer depletion etc. Should
be tackled
on international levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could support underdeveloped or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider replacing "in a superior way" with the adverb for "superior"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a superior way
with their latest researches and inventions, which is impossible to do with domestic techniques.
Moreover
,
financially
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide funds to deal with such disasters and maintain stability in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of poor nation's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will face difficulties by themselves, which they create by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
with misuse of resources or excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of means which damage or harms the environment.
Eventually
, In such manner they learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
recyclable resources and avoid harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco -friendly
atmosphere.

In my perspective, We should shake hands
individually
with national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
first
to contribute their efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a community or nation a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in and then give hands
internationally
to handle serious environmental issues, in which
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn how to preserve natural resources than how to cope with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to take support to conserve naturalist.

To recapitulate it all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it is a matter to contribute
individually
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the earth a paradise free from all environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
, then discuss and try to tackle it on the national scale and at last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
major hazards should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
globally to grant aid from them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while some think it is best to deal with them nationally 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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