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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.13

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 13
Now-a-days adults are motivating teenage people to work or travel after completion of studies in school rather than joining for higher studies in college. There are both merits and demerits for teenage students who do this and we will discuss this. Firstly the main advantage is students can become independent. This helps them to be active every time, and encourages them how to be successful in society and also can choose their career to achieve a goal. For instance, if the individual shows interest in maths and works in any companies which related to construction department, he can find a way to choose his goal in a particular subject without any restrictions. Furthermore this built individuality in young age and no need to depend on others in some circumstances. On the other hand, demerits are children getting habituated to earn money at a very small age and becomes independent as a result might not show interest to continue studies and towards society he cannot show his gratitude. Once if teenage people start earning money, in some cases not listens to parents and unnecessarily indulges in activities which related to not good for them. Furthermore, due to continuous work and not pursuing studies leads to decrease in knowledge level. This makes children to be inactive in studies. Overall, there are both pros and cons for students, if earlier they find making money without continuing higher studies can show disinterest towards pursuing studies and in the future can regret this decision. Perhaps, one should see demerits than merits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days adults are motivating teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work or travel after completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in school
rather
than joining for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in college. There are both merits and demerits for teenage students who do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
we will discuss this.

Firstly
the main advantage is students can become independent. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be active every time, and encourages them how to be successful in society and
also
can choose their career to achieve a goal.
For instance
, if the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
interest in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and works in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which related to construction department, he can find a way to choose his goal in a particular subject without any restrictions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
this built individuality in young age and no need to depend on others in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances.

On the other hand
, demerits are children getting habituated to earn money at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age and becomes independent
as a result
might not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
interest to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and towards society he cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
his gratitude. Once if teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning money, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases not listens to parents and
unnecessarily
indulges in activities which related to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them.
Furthermore
, due to continuous work and not pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
leads to decrease in knowledge level. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children to be inactive in studies.

Overall
, there are both pros and cons for students, if earlier they find making money without continuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
disinterest towards pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and in the future can regret this decision. Perhaps, one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
demerits than merits.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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