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Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. v. 1
Dressing in the workplace is depended on organizations policies and sometimes may be considered as a rule, especially in government organizations. It does not mean the quality of employees work is not important. But generally dress codes in many occupations can not influence their performance and I agree with this opinion. whereas I believe the staffs should choose their cloths in proportional to their jobs. To begin, there are two strong reasons about some people think what the employees wear can not impressive their productivity. Firstly because of developing of different type of jobs, attire policies have not visual expression on the final efficiencies of companies and commitment would be playing the main role. Secondly some jobs have not dealing as face to face with their clients and handle their works just by sitting in their rooms, for example networker or wed designer are placed in this group. However, according to studies, 61% of employees are turning in and more productive in workplace when attire is relaxed and comfortable. On the other hand, many of people believe some positions need to special dress codes, because what the wearing has direct impact on their relations with customers. While in some jobs the uniforms have exclusive means, such as doctors, nurses, bank staffs. Again according to study finds, 80% of people who work in a place with a dress code responded that they don't find them useful. In conclusion. a less strict dress code allows people to express themselves, which can help elevate creative thinking and ideas. The people in workplace are more productive and happier when they own choose their cloths.
Dressing in the workplace
is depended
on organizations policies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may
be considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations. It does not mean the quality of employees work is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
codes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occupations can not influence their performance and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
I believe the staffs should choose their cloths in proportional to their jobs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there are two strong reasons about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what the employees wear can not impressive their productivity.
Firstly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of developing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of jobs, attire policies have not visual expression on the final efficiencies of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and commitment would be playing the main role.
Secondly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs have not dealing as face to face with their clients and handle their works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by sitting in their rooms,
for example
Possible spelling mistake found.
networker
or wed designer
are placed
in this group.
However
, according to studies, 61% of employees are turning in and more productive in workplace when attire
is relaxed
and comfortable.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positions need to special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
codes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what the wearing has direct impact on their relations with customers. While in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs the uniforms have exclusive means, such as doctors, nurses, bank staffs. Again according to study finds, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in a place with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code responded that they don't find them useful.

In conclusion
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
less strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to express themselves, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
elevate creative thinking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in workplace are more productive and happier when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choose their cloths.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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