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Some people believe that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matter is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matter is the quality of their work. v. 1
There is an idea that employers should pay attention to the quality of employees instead of their dressing style. I completely agree with this idea because what staff members perform has more significant effects on the development of a company than what they wear. Firstly, some companies make rules of employees’ uniforms, so people are forced to wear the same dress code when they are working. This is a way to emphasize the staff as a whole in order to align people’s behaviour. However, this method would strict the staff’s creativity. People decide what to wear is an expression of their opinion and habit, so the strict dress codes sometimes are completely unnecessary in the technology or creative sectors. Some technology giants, like Microsoft and Google, are famous for their relaxed working environment that they create. They encourage their staff to wear freely in order to create a friendly and open culture for people. During this working atmosphere, it is more likely to be inspired to creative and unique opinions. Secondly, I would argue that producing work of outstanding quality is at heart rather than professional uniforms. A person wearing smart, formal attire does not mean he or she is professional. In addition, with the development of the Internet, there is an increasing number of distance works or jobs, and many people choose to work at home. Some people who work as online teachers, for example, can wear casually as they like. Students focus on their teaching skills and methods instead of what they wear. In conclusion, I definitely agree with the idea that employers should have an open mind to the dressing style of their employees and try to improve the work quality of their staff.
There is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that employers should pay attention to the quality of employees
instead
of their dressing style. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what staff members perform has more significant effects on the development of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
than what they wear.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
 of employees’ uniforms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
the same dress code when they are working. This is a way to emphasize the staff as a whole in order to align 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
, this method would strict the staff’s creativity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
decide what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
is an expression of their opinion and habit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the strict dress codes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are completely unnecessary in the technology or creative sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
technology giants, like Microsoft and Google, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their relaxed working environment that they create. They encourage their staff to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
freely
in order to create a friendly and open culture for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. During this working atmosphere, it is more likely to
be inspired
to creative and unique opinions.

Secondly
, I would argue that producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of outstanding quality is at heart
rather
than professional uniforms. A person wearing smart, formal attire does not mean he or she is professional.
In addition
, with the development of the Internet, there is an increasing number of distance works or jobs, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as online teachers,
for example
, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
casually
as they like. Students focus on their teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and methods
instead
of what they wear.

In conclusion
, I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that employers should have an open mind to the dressing style of their employees and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
quality of their staff.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matter is the quality of their work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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