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Some people say that we should not encourage sports games among schools because they lead to competition rather than cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that we should not encourage sports games among schools because they lead to competition rather than cooperation. v. 2
In this day and age, many the forms of various sport is a dominating our modern society and playing or watching sports game is taken for granted. Few individuals believe that playing sports games at schools should not inspire due to they seems to be more competition than cooperation. I personally disagree this premise for several reasons. It could be lead to make teamwork. In addition, it is likely to become a deep relationship with classmates. First and foremost, most of sports are encouraged to the team sprit many youth through the sporting game. For example, sport is required to play in a team, which means they should decide to divide into group excluding sole sport like golf, as a result in many students might feel being a sense of belonging by playing games with their buddy. It also would a great of leading the social relationship with pupils. On top of that, sporting game has a play role in making a responsibility by playing together. As a case in point, scientists report that children with experience physical activities such as soccer, baseball outweigh the benefits rather than those who with do not have experience them. The former is a good way to make a friend and well-know how to share with other people. On the other hand, while it is undeniable that sport is made of a competitive structure. As a consequence, it may influence many pupils easily because of the lack of ability to judge. Therefore, sporting games could be caused negative factors. Nevertheless, I think that it is more beneficial than that. In a nutshell, it it hard to predict how sporting game have an influence for children, it is a best way the playing game without competition is education how to play harmony with friends properly.
In this day and age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the forms of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a dominating our modern society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
or watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game
is taken
for granted. Few individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at schools should not inspire due to they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "seem"
seems
to be more competition than cooperation. I
personally
disagree this premise for several reasons. It could be lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teamwork.
In addition
, it is likely to become a deep relationship with classmates.

First
and foremost, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are encouraged
to the team
Possible spelling mistake found.
sprit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youth through the sporting game.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is required
to play in a team, which means they should decide to divide into group excluding sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
like golf,
as a result
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students might feel being a sense of belonging by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their buddy. It
also
would a great of leading the social relationship with pupils.
On top of that
, sporting game has a play role in making a responsibility by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
together. As a case in point, scientists report that children with experience physical activities such as soccer, baseball outweigh the benefits
rather
than those who with do not have
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
them. The former is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a friend and well-know how to share with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, while it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is made
of a competitive structure. As a consequence, it may influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of ability to judge.
Therefore
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could
be caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more beneficial than that.

In a nutshell,
It seems you either mean "it is", "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to predict how sporting game have an influence for children, it is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game without competition is education how to play harmony with friends
properly
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people say that we should not encourage sports games among schools because they lead to competition rather than cooperation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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