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Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. v. 2
It is considered by some that drug addicts are criminals who have to put in prison, while there are others who think that they are patients who should stay in hospital. In my opinion, I believe we should treat pill abusers like patients and put them in the hospital. On the one hand, many think that precaution addicts will do abuse to their families or other people. For example when they need heroins and they do not have money to buy, hence they will ask for their families. If they do not get what they want, they will do everything such as cruel things, violence, hit somebody to get the narcotics. This condition, which encourages people assume that the one who use drug is dangerous and we should not get along with them. On the other hand, having people who are remedy addicted in the hospital and treating them like patients would prevent the bad things for instance violence and abuse happened. For example when they need a pill and they can not find the way to get it, because nurses and doctors have already given them the first action to prevent that things happened. In other words doctors can control them. By giving rehabilitations and education for drug user will help them to not use narcotics anymore. Also, we can save them and help them to find the right way to get better life in the future. Finally, in my opinion, we should not serve drug addicts like criminal, but we have to treat them like patients because we are the same human beings. In conclusion, perhaps sometimes drug abuser does not save to others, but treating them in a better way will help them and ourselves also.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicts are criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put in prison, while there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should stay in hospital. In my opinion, I believe we should treat pill abusers like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
and put them in the hospital.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that precaution addicts will do abuse to their families or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
when they need
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
heroins and
they do not have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
,
hence
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
their families. If they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want, they will do everything such as cruel things, violence, hit somebody to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the narcotics. This condition, which encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dangerous and
we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are remedy addicted in the hospital and treating them like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things
for instance
violence and abuse happened.
For example
when they need a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pill and
they can not find the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nurses and doctors have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them the
first
action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
that things happened. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words doctors can control them. By giving rehabilitations and education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
user will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
narcotics anymore.
Also
, we can save them and
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
the right way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better life in the future.

Finally
, in my opinion, we should not serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicts like criminal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
treat them like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are the same human beings.
In conclusion
, perhaps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuser does not save to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
treating them in a better way will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them and ourselves
also
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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