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Some people believe that we have too many choices these days. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that we have too many choices these days. v. 5
It is often argued that these days, we are presented with an overwhelming amount of choices. I completely agree with this statement because a variety of choices can be seen throughout our daily life. Originally, a recent study indicates that as humans are evolving, their world around them soon follows. These days, availability of option on necessities like transportation, education, entertainment, and food has increased. Technological advancement and globalization are mainly the cause. The existence of internet accelerates the situation as it provides all of the information needed for every option. For instance, if we are planning a trip to go somewhere, there will be numerous type or transportations that we could choose based on affordability and convenience. The duration of the journey can also be chosen depending your own needs. Furthermore, the advancement of education and development has endowed people with availability of the enormous number of professional fields to succeed in their lives. In addition, these choices have been proven beneficial to our lives, such as significant provisions on different type of edibles throughout the years. Moreover, improvement of preservatives resulted in seasonal foods being available in the market despite the weather. Different types of entertainment can also be enjoyed, ranging from movies to music. These choices also influence world economic greatly, because if they are not available, the possibility of monopoly trade will definitely incline. To sum up, I agree that hitherto, we are indeed presented by an array of choices in different categories such as, transportation, education, entertainment, and food. Subsequently, the availability of such choices has been proven helpful to our lives.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that these days, we
are presented
with an overwhelming amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
throughout our daily life.

Originally
, a recent study indicates that as humans are evolving, their world around them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
follows. These days, availability of option on necessities like transportation, education, entertainment, and food has increased. Technological advancement and globalization are
mainly
the cause. The existence of internet accelerates the situation as it provides
Consider using "all the".
all of the
information needed for every option.
For instance
, if we are planning a trip to go somewhere, there will be numerous type or transportations that we could choose based on affordability and convenience. The duration of the journey can
also
be chosen
If 'chosen' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to depend".
depending
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs.
Furthermore
, the advancement of education and development has endowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with availability of the enormous number of professional fields to succeed in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
have
been proven
beneficial to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as significant provisions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of edibles throughout the years.
Moreover
, improvement of preservatives resulted in seasonal foods being available in the market despite the weather.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
types of entertainment can
also
be enjoyed
, ranging from movies to music. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
also
influence world economic
greatly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are not available, the possibility of monopoly trade will definitely incline.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that hitherto, we are
indeed
presented by an array of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories such as, transportation, education, entertainment, and food.
Subsequently
, the availability of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
has
been proven
helpful to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that we have too many choices these days. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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