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Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. v. 1
Some individuals argue that imprisonment is an appropriate punishment for drug addicts whereas others agree that they need to be helped and treated as sick people. I believe they should be treated well like a patient who needs to be cured. On the one hand, dealing with addicts like the other criminal cases is to enforce applicable laws. Drugs are prohibited in almost all countries so when someone uses drugs, they will be judged immediately by the law. For instance, In Indonesia, heroin abusers may be sentenced for 15 years in jail, even if this is not a violent act or an offense that affects people, such as murder and theft, the rule nevertheless extends to the police. However, I convinced that in such case they still have a psychological problem that should be taken into consideration. On the other hand, treating them like people who need to be cured is a better action to consider human being's aspects. Drug addicts may not be well educated, so they tend to use drugs when suffering from depression and anxiety as the one and only way to relive or having no a good social support system attracting them to become heroin users. For this reason, addicts in Australia are not automatically committed to the jail, but instead referred to a rehabilitation center to alleviate their abuse and also to the hospital where there is serious discomfort related to drug use. In conclusion, although giving a prison sentence to addicts is already written in the law in several countries, understanding them as human beings who actually need help to recover from drug addiction is one of the best choices that can be made by the government.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that imprisonment is an appropriate punishment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
addicts
whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
and treated as sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I believe they should
be treated
well like a patient who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be cured
.

On the one hand, dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
addicts
like the other criminal cases is to enforce applicable laws.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drugs
are prohibited
in almost all countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, they will
be judged
immediately by the law.
For instance
, In Indonesia, heroin abusers may
be sentenced
for 15 years in jail, even if this is not a violent act or an offense that affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, such as murder and theft, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
nevertheless
extends to the police.
However
, I convinced that in such case they
still
have a psychological problem that should
be taken
into consideration.

On the other hand
, treating them like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be cured
is a better action to consider human being's aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
addicts
may not be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
when suffering from depression and anxiety as the one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to relive or having
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social support system attracting them to become heroin users.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
addicts
in Australia are not
automatically
committed to the jail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
referred to a rehabilitation center to alleviate their abuse and
also
to the hospital where there is serious discomfort related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

In conclusion
, although giving a prison sentence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
addicts
is already written in the law in several countries, understanding them as human beings who actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to recover from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction is one of the best choices that can
be made
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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