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Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations. Other think that it is practical aid and advice that is needed. Discuss these views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations. Other think that it is practical aid and advice that is needed. Discuss these views and give your own opinion v. 1
TV commercials which are made to promote the sale of products directed towards toddlers should be banned. Television is a great source of entertainment for children, but it has its own pros and cons. I agree with the given statement due to the fact that children do not have the ability to differentiate between good and bad and secondly, it may make them demanding in nature. Children ageing two to five are mischievous and often do not possess the ability to tell what is good and what is bad for them. I would like to support this by giving an example of my cousin brother who is 4 years old. He loves to watch television and he could do it all day long. He once saw a man flying out of his room’s window by just wearing a glittered jacket which he tried to attempt himself by wearing some casual jacket of his. Thus, advertising can even prove to be fatal to a child and they just blindly follow what the advertisement shows them to do. Secondly, children often become very demanding in nature. Commercials selling junk food like potato wafers, soft drinks, burgers and pizzas are a bunch of food that allures every child nowadays. On seeing these kinds of ads, they immediately prompt their parents to get them that food to eat which is not good for their health. The main motive of the brand is to sell their products and earn profits, but they do not own the responsibility of the kind of message they spread among the masses. For instance, my nephew once saw an ad of Lays’ salty chips, which she even managed to have once. But, she acquired the taste of it and started to consume it more frequently, which now led her to have several stomach and weight disorder. Hence, this kind of advertising should be banned. I strongly feel that such advertising must be banned by the government authorities, but it also becomes the responsibility of the parents to keep a check on what their children are watching on the television.
TV commercials which
are made
to promote the sale of products directed towards toddlers should
be banned
. Television is a great source of entertainment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have the ability to differentiate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
secondly
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them demanding in nature.

Children
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
two to five are mischievous and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not possess the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them. I would like to support this by giving an example of my cousin brother who is 4 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
television and
he could do it all day long. He once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
flying out of his room’s window by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wearing a glittered jacket which he tried to attempt himself by wearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
casual jacket of his.
Thus
, advertising can even prove to be fatal to a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
blindly
follow what the advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
them to do.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
demanding in nature. Commercials selling junk food like potato wafers, soft drinks, burgers and pizzas are a bunch of food that allures every child nowadays. On seeing these kinds of ads, they immediately prompt their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them that food to eat which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health. The main motive of the brand is to sell their products and earn profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the responsibility of the kind of message they spread among the masses.
For instance
, my nephew once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an ad of Lays’ salty chips, which she even managed to have once.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, she acquired the taste of it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to consume it more
frequently
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
led her to have
Possible agreement error. The noun stomach seems to be countable; consider using: "several stomachs".
several stomach
and weight disorder.
Hence
, this kind of advertising should
be banned
.

I
strongly
feel that such advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
becomes the responsibility of the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching on the television.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations. Other think that it is practical aid and advice that is needed. Discuss these views and give your own opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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