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Some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones others disagree Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones others disagree 1
It is argued that the government should appoint greater taxes on non-renewable resources for the vehicles in terms of environmental conservation. While some object to this policy and regard it unnecessary. In my essay, I will analyse both of the controversy's perspectives and demonstrate mine at the end of the writing. Fossil fuels such as oil, coal, and gas have been applied for transportation for decades. However, in the recent years, people find it rather irrelevant because it contributes to an immense amount of carbon dioxide into the air leading too many repercussions. Consequently, not only environmentalists, but also global citizens suggest an increase in terms of tax in their price, so that vehicle's owner would prefer other choices for fuels such as wind energy, solar energy, or electricity. For instance, Beijing, one of the most polluted cities in the world, reported that 67% of the chemical compound which can devastate residents' health are released from cars and other fossil fuels used vehicles. However, numerous people oppose with the idea because fossil fuels are highly likely cheaper than alternative sources of energy. In the USA, a family pays thousands of dollars just for solar panels each year. These renewable fuels are both expensive and relatively not available in several markets, which makes it unapproachable to some customers. In conclusion, I believe that people should limit the use of fossil fuels by their own, which is the most effective way to solve environmental concerns, and especially air pollution. There are certain ways to address the mentioned problem such as taking public vehicle, stop smoking, and cook with an electric cooker.
It
is argued
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should appoint greater taxes on non-renewable resources for the vehicles in terms of environmental conservation. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
object to this policy and regard it unnecessary. In my essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both of the controversy's perspectives and demonstrate mine at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the writing.

Fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
such as oil, coal, and gas have
been applied
for transportation for decades.
However
, in the recent years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it
rather
irrelevant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contributes to an immense amount of carbon dioxide into the air leading too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
repercussions.
Consequently
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
environmentalists,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
global citizens suggest an increase in terms of tax in their price,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that vehicle's owner would prefer other choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
such as wind energy, solar energy, or electricity.
For instance
, Beijing, one of the most polluted cities in the world, reported that 67% of the chemical compound which can devastate residents' health
are released
from cars and other fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
vehicles.

However
, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
are
highly
likely cheaper than alternative sources of energy. In the USA, a family pays thousands of dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for solar panels each year. These renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
are both expensive and
relatively
not available in several markets, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it unapproachable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
customers.

In conclusion
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, which is the most effective way to solve environmental concerns, and
especially
air pollution. There are certain ways to address the mentioned problem such as taking public vehicle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
smoking, and cook with an electric cooker.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones others disagree 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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