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Some educationalists think that international exchange visit would benefit teenagers in the school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some educationalists think that international exchange visit would benefit teenagers in the school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
There are various benefits of charging the entrance fee to the museums, however, there are also some drawbacks to consider. Both sides will be examined in this essay. To begin, Nowadays, various museums have taken over from the historical buildings. This leads to high cost of maintenance because most of the historical buildings were built over hundred years with large scale, in some buildings need essential care to maintain the building structure or decorative. As a result of this, money from admission tickets may provide the cost of maintenance even the museums get money supported by the governments but sometimes it is not enough. Furthermore, technology of security is also beneficial from these incomes. Most of the museums in this world contain excessive and valuable items such as the painting of Mona Lisa from Davinci, to protect those priceless items, the museums need a lot of money to set up the security system. A final benefit, the museums can manage and promote their organizations better. For example, they can advertise their museums to the public due to the internet and social media, this will increase the number of visitors. However, there are several drawbacks to consider, the price of admission fees extremely expensive for foreigners, some budget travellers can’t effort to pay the ticket of the museum. What is more, the local citizens who have limited money can’t get into the museum respectively. Free of admission charge will allow every level of people to visit and learn from the museums. In conclusion, in my opinion, there are various benefits of charging the entrance fee, however, there are some drawbacks to consider too.
There are various benefits of charging the entrance fee to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
however
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to consider. Both sides will
be examined
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, Nowadays, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have taken over from the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
. This leads to high cost of maintenance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
were built
over hundred years with large scale, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
need essential care to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
structure or decorative.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from admission tickets may provide the cost of maintenance even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
supported by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
Furthermore
, technology of security is
also
beneficial from these incomes. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in this world contain excessive and valuable items such as the painting of Mona Lisa from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Davinci
, to protect those priceless items, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to set up the security system. A final benefit, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can manage and promote their organizations better.
For example
, they can advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to the public due to the internet and social media, this will increase the number of visitors.

However
, there are several drawbacks to consider, the price of admission fees
extremely
expensive for foreigners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can’t effort to pay the ticket of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
What is more
, the local citizens who have limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
respectively
. Free of admission charge will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
every level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit and learn from the museums.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, there are various benefits of charging the entrance fee,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to consider too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalists think that international exchange visit would benefit teenagers in the school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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