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Some people think that dangerous spots should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that dangerous spots should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. v. 1
Asking for personal data like hobbies and interests, marital status, while giving a job interview is a very common phenomenon. A few believe that, this information may be important, while others do not think so. This essay will discuss both these views and I opine that, it is important to know all the details of an employee. Although, companies ask candidates to fill an application form to provide their relevant information, some ask only for professional details. They think that the applicant's intimate life is not their concern. For example, often large companies like, Tata Consultancy Services feel that, only the educational qualification and the work experience of an individual are important to judge their performance. Hence, many feel professional credentials are only useful. Despite all these, some employers opine that, personal information is also very important to understand the employee well and use his potential to the fullest, like putting them in a department of their choice. In addition, knowing about the marital status will also tell us about any possibilities of migration in the future, for instance, young female staff may get married and go to a different place to stay. Therefore, knowing about your employee can be beneficial in the long run. In conclusion, non professional enquiries like marriage or hobbies are frequently asked by many employers these days. This essay discussed that some people think these enquires are not significant while others believe that it is important to know about all the aspects of the person working for the company. In my opinion, knowing a person well will help the directors to harness their skills to an optimum level.
Asking for personal data like hobbies and interests, marital status, while giving a job interview is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common phenomenon. A few believe that, this information may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This essay will discuss both these views and I opine that, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to know all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of an employee.

Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
ask candidates to fill an application form to provide their relevant information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ask
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the applicant's intimate life is not their concern.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like, Tata Consultancy Services feel that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the educational qualification and the work experience of an individual are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to judge their performance.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
feel professional credentials are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
useful.

Despite all these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers opine that, personal information is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to understand the employee well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his potential to the fullest, like putting them in a department of their choice.
In addition
, knowing about the marital status will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about any possibilities of migration in the future,
for instance
, young female staff may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and go to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place to stay.
Therefore
, knowing about your employee can be beneficial in the long run.

In conclusion
,
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non professional
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
like marriage or hobbies are
frequently
asked by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers these days. This essay discussed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
The verb 'enquires' is singular. Did you mean: "This enquires" or "these enquire"?
these enquires
are not significant while others believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to know about all the aspects of the person working for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In my opinion, knowing a person well will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the directors to harness their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to an optimum level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous spots should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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