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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 6
Children should be given freedom only up to a certain limit. Nowadays, parents tend to give more freedom to them, which could result in a positive or negative way. Some people think they should be given the right punishment while being involved in a crime, whereas others think that their parents are fully responsible and should take the blame on them. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why parents should be held responsible for their mistakes. Firstly, children always tend to learn everything from their parents, teachers, and people around them. So they usually tend to acquire good as well as bad things from us. It is our sole responsibility that we teach positive and healthy habits for them. Also, they learn a lot from our behaviour and usually tend to practice it. For instance, if parents throw disposables outside the vicinity without throwing them into the bins, even children tend to follow the same traits and habits we do. So parents should always preach their young one's proper behaviour so that they could grow into better people in the future. Furthermore, they grow up watching us this would have a humongous impact on their development into adults. As a rule, children are exposed to a vast technologically advanced world compared to the past. Although some use it in an intriguing way for their studies or for accessing any kind of information, some get misguided in a few ways. For instance, if they are exposed to lots of violence and action in movies or videos, they tend to implement it in their life. As this could be of great danger to others, parents must have strict guidelines in raising their children until they get to know the real world. Finally, freedom of young one's should not be completely restricted but they must follow a few norms and ideologies provided by parents. Thus, parents are entirely captive of the achievements as well as the crimes committed by the children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
up to a certain limit. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to give more freedom to them, which could result in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the right punishment while
being involved
in a crime, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
fully
responsible and should take the blame on them. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be held
responsible for their mistakes.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to learn everything from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things from us. It is our sole responsibility that we teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and healthy habits for them.
Also
, they learn a lot from our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to practice it.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
throw disposables outside the vicinity without throwing them into the bins, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to follow the same traits and habits we do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always preach their young one's proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could grow into better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future.

Furthermore
, they grow up watching us this would have a humongous impact on their development into adults. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to a vast
technologically
advanced world compared to the past. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
Consider replacing "in an intriguing way" with the adverb for "intriguing"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an intriguing way
for their studies or for accessing any kind of information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
misguided in a few ways.
For instance
, if they
are exposed
to lots of violence and action in movies or videos, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to implement it in their life. As this could be of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have strict guidelines in raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the real world.

Finally
, freedom of young one's should not be completely restricted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow a few norms and ideologies provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
entirely
captive of the achievements
as well
as the crimes committed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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