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With increasing populations and ever growing urban centres, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What are benefits of protecting places for natural beauty spots? How can it be solved? v.1

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centres, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What are benefits of protecting places for natural beauty spots? How can it be solved? v. 1
The world has undergone a large number of transformations. According to these changes, human beings have to learn some skills which have not been that much vital in the past. Hence, the mission of schools should not be confined to just literacy and numeracy. In doing so, teaching students some skills to survive in financial aspects of their lives is quite crucial. In my opinion, in most of today’s job requirements, the necessity of being well-informed about financial aspects of work is felt completely. So, learning these materials and knowledge could result in being qualified for more decent jobs with higher wages and benefits. For example, if an accountant knows the financial vision and goals of his company in depth, his outcome will be more effective and this can lead to longer contract and more profits for him. However, in some countries, for example Germany, a community subject is available in which politics and finances are discussed. This leaves students from Germany in a better situation to deal with finances in their lives. In addition, in this growing world with lots of complexities, learning economic and financial aspects of issues can result in improving problem solving abilities which empower people to encounter difficulties and boost the financial security in their lives. In other word, more advanced the world becomes, more sophistications people will face. All these complexities have economic aspects and all people need the related knowledge to tackle these kinds of problems and schools are one of the best place to teach them to people. To sum up, there are clear benefits of including techniques and knowledge to face financial issues in the student’s curriculum.
The world has undergone
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
transformations. According to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, human beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which have not been that much vital in the past.
Hence
, the mission of schools should not
be confined
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
literacy and numeracy. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, teaching students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to survive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is quite crucial.

In my opinion, in most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s job requirements, the necessity of being well-informed about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of work
is felt
completely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, learning these materials and knowledge could result in
being qualified
for more decent jobs with higher wages and benefits.
For example
, if an accountant knows the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
vision and goals of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in depth, his outcome will be more effective and this can lead to longer contract and more profits for him.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
for example
Germany, a community subject is available in which politics and finances
are discussed
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
students from Germany in a better situation to deal with finances in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In addition
, in this growing world with lots of complexities, learning economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of issues can result in improving problem solving abilities which empower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to encounter difficulties and boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In other word, more advanced the world becomes, more
Possible spelling mistake found.
sophistications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will face. All these complexities have economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
and all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need the related knowledge to tackle these kinds of problems and schools are one of the best place to teach them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of including techniques and knowledge to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
issues in the student’s curriculum.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay With increasing populations and ever growing urban centres, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What are benefits of protecting places for natural beauty spots? How can it be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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