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Some people think that dangerous spots should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that dangerous spots should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. v. 2
Lot of people believe that activities which are harmful to human being should be banned. On the contrary, others enjoy facing challenging sports. I strongly support that one should have all the rights to choose their sports. In this essay I will discuss both the point of views. To begin with, a major part of community wants to live safe and sound life. these people feel that sports like gun shooting, car racing, skiing etc can cause accidents which could result in non-treatable injuries or even death. such person' s dependants and family can get destructed in these circumstances. If such kind of dangerous activities are restricted by government, it can save plethora of lives. However, I personally think that not being a part of serious sports, a person can never learn to face their fears. people who enjoy challenges choose to have career in dangerous games. Stopping them from selecting what they love to do is like cutting their wings. There are many ways to make sure a person' s saftey rather than forcing them to avoid challenging games. Firstly, government and recreational centers should provide increased safety gears and they should make these gears affordable and easily available. Secondly, safety rules should be made stringent. health check ups should be done prior and after the sports to make sure the sportsman is safe and fit. Last but not least, more rules should be incorporated in order to eliminate health related risks. To conclude, I agree that challenging sports can cause life threatening events but public should have choice to select their sports so that they can face their fears and enjoy their activities with raised safety equipments and safety rules.
Lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that activities which are harmful to human being should
be banned
.
On the contrary
, others enjoy facing challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. I
strongly
support that one should have all the rights to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay I will discuss both the point of views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a major part of community wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
safe and sound life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like gun shooting, car racing, skiing etc can cause accidents which could result in non-treatable injuries or even death.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
and family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
destructed in these circumstances. If such kind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities
are restricted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it can save plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that not being a part of serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, a person can never learn to face their fears.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
who enjoy challenges choose to have career in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
games. Stopping them from selecting what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do is like cutting their wings. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
saftey
rather
than forcing them to avoid challenging games.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and recreational centers should provide increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gears and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these gears affordable and
easily
available.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
be made
stringent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
ups should
be done
prior and after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the sportsman is safe and fit. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
be incorporated
in order to eliminate health related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can cause life threatening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
public should have choice to select their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can face their fears and enjoy their activities with raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
equipments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous spots should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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