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With increasing populations and ever growing urban centres, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What are benefits of protecting places for natural beauty spots? How can it be solved? v.2

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centres, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What are benefits of protecting places for natural beauty spots? How can it be solved? v. 2
There is no doubt that to accommodate the growing population and the construction of town-centres by humans have destroyed natural sites. I believe that time has now arrived that certain measures should be taken to protect them and to embrace benefits from it. To begin with, there are numerous advantages of protecting natural sites. Firstly, it is learning about our natural environment. Children should be brought to these beautiful sites and taught about the importance of ecosystem and food chain in a human life-cycle. Also, why the natural habitat is vital for animals and plants to flourish? Secondly, it increases tourism, countries, such as New Zealand attracts lots of tourist because of its beautiful natural places, which has helped the country to improve its economy and has created jobs in the tourist industry, for example hotels industry and local shops. Turning to the possible solutions, the government should impose laws to protect natural sites, local animal, and plant species, and whoever tries to violate the law, strict actions should be taken against them. Furthermore, the government along with the local charitable organization should generate money to maintain the scenery of these beautiful sites. In addition, the government should prohibit the construction of houses to provide housing for people. If the shopping centres and hotels have to be constructed for the feasibility of tourists, they should have a norm to follow. Consequently, disobeying the law should lead to the cancellation of their permit to do business. To conclude, I would like to say that protecting our natural environment not only educates us about the importance of biodiversity in our ecosystem but also generates revenue through tourism. Thus, the people and government should work hard to maintain these beautiful sites.
There is no doubt that to accommodate the growing population and the construction of
Possible spelling mistake found.
town-centres
by humans have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. I believe that time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
arrived that certain measures should
be taken
to protect them and to embrace benefits from it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous advantages of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
Firstly
, it is learning about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
environment. Children should
be brought
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and taught about the importance of ecosystem and food chain in a human life-cycle.
Also
, why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat is vital for animals and plants to flourish?
Secondly
, it increases tourism, countries, such as New Zealand attracts lots of tourist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
places, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its economy and has created jobs in the tourist industry,
for example
hotels industry and local shops.

Turning to the possible solutions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose laws to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, local animal, and plant species, and whoever tries to violate the law, strict actions should
be taken
against them.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
along with the local charitable organization should generate money to maintain the scenery of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should prohibit the construction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to provide housing for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If the shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and hotels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be constructed
for the feasibility of tourists, they should have a norm to follow.
Consequently
, disobeying the law should lead to the cancellation of their permit to do business.

To conclude
, I would like to say that protecting our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
environment not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educates us about the importance of biodiversity in our ecosystem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generates revenue through tourism.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay With increasing populations and ever growing urban centres, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What are benefits of protecting places for natural beauty spots? How can it be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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