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Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. v. 3
Overweight is a prerequisite to obesity and obesity is one of the leading causes of other health problems such as hypertension, in certain areas in the world. There are several things that resulted to this health challenge. Out of these are lack of exercise and unhealthy eating habits. The means by which these can be resolved will also be discussed in this essay. Firstly, it is evident that, the rate at which people engaged in daily exercise has significantly reduced and this has led to an increase in weight. Thereby, posing them to several health conditions. One of the reasons responsible for this is unavailability of sporting facilities around neighbourhoods. For instance, surveys have revealed that people get motivated to exercise when sport centres and gyms are within their reach. Thus, it is obvious that unavailability of these facilities contributes significantly to people's avoidance of exercise. Secondly, the eating of junk is prevalent among people nowadays. These foods are rich in fat, which contributes to weight gain. For example, a study conducted by an undergraduate in Osun State revealed that over two-third of the total population of that state engaged in high consumption of junk foods at least twice per day and approximately 70% of them are above average weight. Therefore, there is a significant correlation between unhealthy eating habits and weight gain. Nevertheless, all causes of overweight are evitable. It is believed that, if government should build more sport centres which are well equipped, then the rate at which people indulge in sedentary lifestyle will decrease. More also, government should increase tariffs on junks. This will cause a reduction in the rate of purchase in the countries affected. In conclusion, gaining weight can be controlled if people are motivated through the right means such as building sporting facilities and increasing taxes on buying unhealthy foods. Thus, the government should implement these techniques, as this will go a long way in improving the lifestyle of its members.
Overweight is a prerequisite to obesity and obesity is one of the leading causes of other health problems such as hypertension, in certain areas in the world. There are several things that resulted to this health challenge. Out of these are lack of exercise and unhealthy eating habits. The means by which these can
be resolved
will
also
be discussed
in this essay.

Firstly
, it is evident that, the rate at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engaged in daily exercise has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and this has led to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. Thereby, posing them to several health conditions. One of the reasons responsible for this is unavailability of sporting facilities around
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
.
For instance
, surveys have revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated to exercise when sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and gyms are within their reach.
Thus
, it is obvious that unavailability of these facilities contributes
significantly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's avoidance of exercise.

Secondly
, the eating of junk is prevalent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays. These foods are rich in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, which contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.
For example
, a study conducted by an undergraduate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Osun
State revealed that over two-third of the total population of that state engaged in high consumption of junk foods at least twice per day and approximately 70% of them are above average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
Therefore
, there is a significant correlation between unhealthy eating habits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.

Nevertheless
, all causes of overweight are
Possible spelling mistake found.
evitable
. It
is believed
that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build more sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
which are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
, then the rate at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulge in sedentary lifestyle will decrease. More
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase tariffs on junks. This will cause a reduction in the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
in the countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

In conclusion
, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
can
be controlled
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are motivated
through the right means such as building sporting facilities and increasing taxes on buying unhealthy foods.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement these techniques, as this will go a long way in improving the lifestyle of its members.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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