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Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. v. 1
Many hold the opinion that life threatening physical activities should be illegal, in contrast, others believe in freedom of choice. Both these opposing views will be discussed in this essay, followed by a reasoned conlcusion. On the one hand, dare devil sports such as, motorcycle racing are very common amongst many people. Therefore, it is thought by many that they should not be allowed, due to the potentiol risks they may possess. This can be in the form of fatal accidents and broken bones. For example, in 2012, Formula 1 reported an average of 86 racers lost their lives and ended up handicapped because of the nature of these activities. Undoubtedly, if these racers were held back, they wouldn't be in any accidents. If they do not know what's best for them, authorities should makes these decisions for them. On the other hand, those that participate in dangerous sports are usually very well trained in their fields, with many years of experience. Furthermore, they also have a medical team on standby at all times, in the case of accidents. For these reasons, a choice should exist. In addition to this, everyone has their own free will, thus, laws should not dicatate people's personal choices. For instance, many sportsmen have pledged their lives to a cause such as, winning the 2014, winter olympic games in danger sports. Moreover, they have put in a lot of time and effort into practicing for them, In conclusion, although there is much debate on whether or not dangerous sports should be banned, i believe that people should have the right to decide whatever they want to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
hold the opinion that life threatening physical activities should be illegal,
in contrast
, others believe in freedom of choice. Both these opposing views will
be discussed
in this essay, followed by a reasoned
Possible spelling mistake found.
conlcusion
.

On the one hand, dare devil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as, motorcycle racing are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that they should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, due to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
potentiol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
they may possess. This can be in the form of fatal accidents and broken bones.
For example
, in 2012, Formula 1 reported an average of 86 racers lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and ended up handicapped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the nature of these activities.
Undoubtedly
, if these racers
were held
back, they wouldn't be in any accidents. If they do not know what's best for them, authorities should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
these decisions for them.

On the other hand
, those that participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
in their fields, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of experience.
Furthermore
, they
also
have a medical team on standby at all times, in the case of accidents. For these reasons, a choice should exist.
In addition
to this, everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
free will,
thus
, laws should not
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicatate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's personal choices.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportsmen have pledged their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to a cause such as, winning the 2014, winter
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
olympic games
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Moreover
, they have put in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and effort into practicing for them,

In conclusion
, although there is much debate on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should have the right to decide whatever they want to do.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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