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Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. 2
Dangerous sports such as boxing, scuba diving, and gymnastics have been increasingly popular. Although many find these sports amusing and the athletes have consented to them, this type of activity also draws controversy. This essay will discuss why, despite some harm caused, people should still be able to choose extreme sports as their method to channel their passion. Extreme sports have made many people wary about the safety and condition of the athletes. These types of sports involve activities such as punching, jumping from extreme heights, which frequently lead to a major injury, and can be lethal to the athletes. This is exemplified by the boxers who experience fractured bones or brain damage after years of their participation in the competition. Therefore, some groups suggest that the prohibition of dangerous sports could lessen the number of people heavily injured. However, despite the harms, the athletes have been aware of the consequence and still choose to undergo dangerous sports. Passions have been the driving factor, as many find adrenaline from doing activities such as gymnastics, scuba diving, horse riding, challenging and necessary for their life. For instance, despite breaking some bones or being hospitalized for months, boxers often come back to the ring to fight again as this is their passion. Hence, as long as the athletes have consented to it, these sports should continue because they are essential for the athletes' life. In conclusion, there are pros and contra to extreme sports. This essay discussed why the passion of athletes for these sports still outweigh the interest and passion for athletes to undergo this type of sports career. In my opinion, people should be able to choose the kind of sports that they like to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as boxing, scuba diving, and gymnastics have been
increasingly
popular. Although
Possible agreement error. The noun find seems to be countable; consider using: "many finds".
many find
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amusing and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have consented to them, this type of activity
also
draws controversy. This essay will discuss why, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harm caused,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
still
be able to choose extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as their method to channel their passion.

Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wary about the safety and condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
involve activities such as punching, jumping from extreme heights, which
frequently
lead to a major injury, and can be lethal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. This
is exemplified
by the boxers who experience fractured bones or brain damage after years of their participation in the competition.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups suggest that the prohibition of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could lessen the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
heavily
injured.

However
, despite the harms, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have been aware of the consequence and
still
choose to undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Passions
have been the driving factor, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
find adrenaline from doing activities such as gymnastics, scuba diving, horse riding, challenging and necessary for their life.
For instance
, despite breaking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bones or
being hospitalized
for months, boxers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to the ring to fight again as this is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
.
Hence
, as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have consented to it, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should continue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are essential for the athletes' life.

In conclusion
, there are pros and contra to extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This essay discussed why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
still
outweigh the interest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to undergo this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
career. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be able to choose the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that they like to do.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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