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Many people think hosting as international sporting event is beneficial to a country, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Many people think hosting as international sporting event is beneficial to a country, while others disagree. v. 1
Education plays an important part in one's life. Currently, there is a debate going on between two groups of people, where the first group thinks that the best path to a successful career is to study at university or college after school. On the other hand, the second group believes that it is better to get some jobs right after the school. In my opinion, education is more important than doing jobs, hence after completing school, one should be admitted into the university or college for further study. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and give detail explanation in support of my view. Education is the key to progress and therefore, one should always give preference to study rather than anything else. If we observe carefully, we will see that the most successful people are the ones who are more educated. In fact, we can extend this example for countries also, where more developed nations are the one, where there are more learned people. A recent study has proved, that people who opt for higher education immediately after completing their school, tend to be more successful than the other. On the other hand, some people argue that doing some jobs after school will give someone real life experience about the work environment. In this process, they get to interact with different types of people and culture, which extend their outlook and will certainly help them in the long run. In addition, they also earn some money, that can be helpful for their higher education, as higher study is very costly. But there is a hidden danger to this. Many young people do not know the value of savings and they may end up losing all of their hard earned money on friends and alcohols. Moreover, some people are consumed by the greed and continue earning money and give up the higher education for good. A recent survey has shown that among the people who took a job after school, thirty percent of them give up the ambition of acquiring higher degree. To summarize, I think there are some short time benefits, if someone chooses to do some jobs immediately after completing school. But, in order to achieve long term sustainable benefits, everyone has to give priority to higher education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in one's life.
Currently
, there is a debate going on between two groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, where the
first
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the best path to a successful career is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at university or college after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
On the other hand
, the second group believes that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
right after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
hence
after completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, one should
be admitted
into the university or college for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
detail explanation in support of my view.

Education is the key to progress and
therefore
, one should always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
rather
than anything else. If we observe
carefully
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the ones who are more educated. In fact, we can extend this example for countries
also
, where more developed nations are the one, where there are more learned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has proved, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opt for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
immediately after completing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, tend to be more successful than the other.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
someone real life experience about the work environment. In this process, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and culture, which extend their outlook and will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the long run.
In addition
, they
also
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money, that can be helpful for their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, as higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a hidden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know the value of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
savings and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up losing all of their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money on friends and alcohols.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are consumed
by the greed and continue earning money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. A recent survey has shown that among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, thirty percent of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up the ambition of acquiring higher degree.

To summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
short time benefits, if someone chooses to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
immediately after completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in order to achieve long term sustainable benefits, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
priority to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think hosting as international sporting event is beneficial to a country, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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