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The use of recreational drugs is on the increase, especially among young people. Describe the reasons for this worrying issue and provide suggestions to minimize it. v.1

The use of recreational drugs is on the increase, especially among young people. Describe the reasons for this worrying issue and provide suggestions to minimize it. v. 1
Substance abuse is a serious problem that affects modern society. It is a growing situation that can be present in every social status, and does not discriminate by gender, ethnicity or age. Nowadays, this issue is especially attached to teenagers and young adults. Some measures to prevent its consumption and its consequences have been taken by authorities, but the problem is still present, and if not taken seriously, it can keep affecting more people around the world. One of the reasons for this situation to be present in society in recent times is that the government has not made enough efforts to eliminate drug dealers from public spaces near schools. For example, most of the teenagers who consume these type of products find it sold by dealers in places such as parks or malls. A good measure to prevent this is by increasing the number of police agents who work in public spaces. A second cause for this problem to happen, is that modern parents are not as involved as before in their children's activities, and sometimes they don't even know who their kids are friends with. A possible solution for this situation, is to encourage parents to spend more time with their offspring, and to be informed about who their friends are, or if they are having problems at school. The last reason I can think about for this issue to still happen nowadays is that schools do not provide sufficient information to students about drug abuse. An excellent method to overcome this lack of knowledge would be to create special meetings for parents and students, to let them know about the main features of drug intake. and the consequences this practice can carry to their health. To sum up, illegal substance consumption is a growing situation around the world, most of all among younger generations. There are several causes for this to happen, and authorities and society should work together to fight it, and to educate teenagers and young adults about this issue, and help them to avoid experimenting its effects in the near future.
Substance abuse is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that affects modern society. It is a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
that can be present in every social status, and does not discriminate by gender, ethnicity or age. Nowadays, this issue is
especially
attached to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
its consumption and its consequences have
been taken
by authorities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
still
present, and if not taken
seriously
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
affecting more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world.

One of the reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
to be present in society in recent times is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has not made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
efforts to eliminate drug dealers from public spaces near schools.
For example
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consume these type of products find it sold by dealers in places such as parks or malls. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this is by increasing the number of police agents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in public spaces.

A second cause for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to happen, is that modern parents are not as involved as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in their children's activities, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they don't even know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
their kids are friends with.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
A
possible solution for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, is to encourage parents to spend more time with their offspring, and to
be informed
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
their friends are, or if they are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
at school.

The last reason I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about for this issue to
still
happen nowadays is that schools do not provide sufficient information to students about drug abuse. An excellent method to overcome this lack of knowledge would be to create special meetings for parents and students, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them know about the main features of drug intake.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
the consequences this practice can carry to their health.

To sum up, illegal substance consumption is a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
around the world, most of all among younger generations. There are several causes for this to happen, and authorities and society should work together to fight it, and to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults about this issue, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to avoid experimenting its effects in the near future.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of recreational drugs is on the increase, especially among young people. Describe the reasons for this worrying issue and provide suggestions to minimize it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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