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Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. v. 1
It is thought by some that the invent of internet enabled people to stay closer while others argue that it increases the isolation in the local communities. Although the internet allows people to contact their loved ones living in foreign countries instantly, however I believe that the people’s online addiction reduces their interaction in the neighbourhood. On the one hand, people can communicate with their friends and family members living in any parts of the world with the help of the internet. That is to say, many social networking applications allows people to send text messages and receive responses, without much wait time, unlike the traditional modes of communication like telegram and post cards. Moreover, it enables people to make video calls which allows them to feel their presence, even though they are miles apart. For instance, almost 87% of the International students uses Skype video calls to interact with their parents on daily basis as it allows them to stay in touch with their family. However, I believe that the internet’s addiction drifts people apart in their community. On the other hand, the people’s social interaction within the local community is reduced. This is because as people spent more hours in online like chatting with friends in messenger, surfing and playing video games, which in turn keeps them indoors and socially inactive with people living around them. For instance, a recent research conducted by the London Children Health Services showed that the nearly 67% of children spent their leisure time playing games in online instead of playing with other children outdoors. I am of the view that the internet made people to locked up inside their homes thereby deterring their social presence with others. To conclude, though technology has brought people staying miles away closer, however I believe that it has stopped their conversation with others.
It is
thought
by
some
that the
invent
of internet enabled
people
to stay closer while others argue that it increases the isolation in the local communities. Although the internet
allows
people
to contact their
loved
ones
living in foreign countries
instantly
,
however
I believe that the
people’s
online addiction
reduces
their interaction in the
neighbourhood
.

On the one hand,
people
can communicate with their friends and family members living in any parts of the world with the
help
of the internet.
That is
to say,
many
social networking applications
allows
people
to
send
text messages and receive responses, without much wait time, unlike the traditional modes of communication like telegram and post cards.
Moreover
, it enables
people
to
make
video calls which
allows
them to feel their presence,
even though
they are miles apart.
For instance
, almost 87% of the International students
uses
Skype video calls to interact with their parents on daily basis as it
allows
them to stay in touch with their family.
However
, I believe that the internet’s addiction drifts
people
apart in their community.

On the
other
hand, the
people’s
social interaction within the local community is
reduced
. This is
because
as
people
spent more hours in online like chatting with friends in messenger, surfing and playing video games, which in turn
keeps
them indoors and
socially
inactive with
people
living around them.
For instance
, a recent research conducted by the London Children Health Services
showed
that the
nearly
67% of children spent their leisure time playing games in online
instead
of playing with
other
children outdoors. I am of the view that the internet made
people
to locked up inside their homes thereby deterring their social presence with others.

To conclude
, though technology has brought
people
staying miles away closer,
however
I believe that it has
stopped
their conversation with others.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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