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Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. Discuss both sides and give you opinion. v.1

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. v. 1
Cultural traditions can be defined as the lifestyle and language are inherited by people as well as the building and food become the features of life. In the pace with the advancement of technology, mankind can obtain more information about different cultural traditions or even travel the countries using the convenient transportation. However, some people support that traditions will be destroyed because of earning money from the tourists while others think that this is the only method to preserve the places. First of all, it is undeniable that cultural traditions are changed significantly due to tourists. The behaviours of tourists are annoying such as littering, destruction towards artifacts and disrespect of culture, but the locals must be endured because of making the profits. The government also do not care this matter seriously and just give the warning, instead of practicing the punishment towards illegal tourists. Otherwise, some traditional food must be varied the ingredients because to match the taste of foreigners, causing tourists cannot realise the original cuisine and feel disappointed of being cheated. From another aspect, tourism is aimed for some cultural traditions to survive until nowadays, for the locals know the uniqueness and preciousness of their cultures, so that they will share the cultural history and be proud of it. In addition, if the cultures are not learned by the young generation, it will disappear sooner without any man-made damage. It is obvious that traditions must be done repeatedly in life because to avoid the degeneration. In conclusion, in order to let our later generation can realise various cultural traditions around the world, we must pay effort to protect and preserve our culture. With the cooperation of the government, the occurring of vandalism will be reduced effectively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
can
be defined
as the lifestyle and language
are inherited
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as the building and food become the features of life. In the pace with the advancement of technology, mankind can obtain more information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
or even travel the countries using the convenient transportation.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of earning money from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
method to preserve the places.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are annoying such as littering, destruction towards artifacts and disrespect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be endured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of making the profits. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
do not care this matter
seriously
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give the warning,
instead
of practicing the punishment towards illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be varied
the ingredients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to match the taste of foreigners, causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
cannot
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the original cuisine and feel
The usual collocation for 'disappointed' is 'with', 'at', of 'by, but never "of". Did you mean "disappointed with"?
disappointed of
being cheated
.

From another aspect, tourism
is aimed
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
to survive until nowadays, for the locals know the uniqueness and preciousness of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
history and be proud of it.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are not learned by the young generation, it will disappear sooner without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made damage. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
repeatedly
in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to avoid the degeneration.

In conclusion
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our later generation can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
around the world, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay effort to protect and preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. With the cooperation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the occurring of vandalism will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
effectively
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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